a_mother's_love flowerock Not all mothers are bad. I find myself feeling almost attacked when I read or hear claims that mothers are special, loving, unselfish... how amazing mothers are... I want to squash the idea like a fact body parading around reality as if it were a truth. I think to myself that no, mothers are not loving they are cold selfish hurtful terrible parasitic birches and I wish tHey weren't but pretending isn't going to change them so stop it! I am sorry if I ever acted this way, most mothers probably are amazing, kind, giving, loving, warm and brilliant. I am just throwing self centered fits of sad hurt rage that my_mother Hurt me so deeply and still does when I let her. I just want what everyone else seems to have. I've been longing for a mother as long as I can remember. It was a struggle for my five year old self to question my sanity over it. I learned about child_protective_services and police around then. I battled with the glory of freedom from her rage and the cold sharp pain of missing her. I did and do love her, this is the problem. I want h_e_r to be my mother, I want my mother to love me a d be my friend... to call me, to hug me, to advise, to laugh with me... I have other positive female friends and family, but I want my mom... it's like being in love with someone who doesn't exist and never will. 150423 ... fw Spell_check ... Boldly... bitches... Ect... 150423 ... Tourist For better or worse our parents are only aging children like ourselves. To measure them against the Myth of Motherhood is to do them an injustice. Time dosn't GIVE Wisdom unconditionaly, it is Gained through Trial and Error. People fall in Love Burn with Desire and Bring Forth Children, mostly as an exploration of Dark Territory. We Hope We Learn From the Small Mistakes and Avoid Extreme Damage to Our Progeny. All this while Family, Freinds and Society at Large sit in Judgment. I know that I am Still the Same Kid Now even though My Body is wearing down. I ASSUME this is True for All. 150424 ... flowerock Well said tourist. I do keep this in mind, but I do still feel sad that my mother is not my friend and I am still full of desire for a mother in my life. Many of friends are close with their moms even if childhood was rough... I just want to feel a part of a family really. My dad is wonderful, just often busy. I'm not Christian enough for the rest of them, "It's just so sad that you won't be going to heaven" they tell me. 150425 ... Tourist All We Ever Have Is Time and the Subsequent Expieriences that Ensue. And as for Heaven, that isn't Really Their Call Now is it? An All Knowing God will Certainly Know Your Heart. 150426 ... tail-devouring snake increases the surface area, depth, absorption, output of my heart 150615 ... flowerock I'm glad that this came up on the recent page... I think I've made peace with my mom. We hung out, went out to eat, played with our doggies and it went well. It felt awkward, but I think she was sincere. I'm glad, happy. 150615 what's it to you? who go blather from