you're_too_nice ClairE I've heard nice_guys complain again and again that girls have told them to be meaner. I have never known a girl to say that to a guy. I can't understand what would possess someone to do such a thing. When they get around to me, they're always trying to discover their inner asshole. And they get surprised when I get mad, because you've put words in my mouth. I think those girls meant to say, "Don't let me hurt you." But since you're a man it comes out, "Toughen up." 020125 ... silent storm "You're too nice" actually means "You're smothering me. Back the fuck off." 020125 ... fella hmmmm, i've gotten the "you're too nice" line many times. i'll have to take that into consideration..... 020129 ... pushpins *ahem* ok, I am one of those girls that tells a guy to be "meaner", all apologies. It might be because I have had way too many nice guys who are not ASSERTIVE and who let me walk all oveer them. Its too easy to get a nice guy, and there dont seem to be any challenges. Although, on further introspection, it might be because of my desire to have real abuse and something valid to whine about (and it really wouldnt be valid anyways because my mom plays that game and I hate it because she drags me thru all of it, but lets not talk about that just now...). anyways, by "meaner" what i really mean is, I'd like to have a man with strong convictions, and someone who can make me feel protected. the tough-guy type. whenever i see a guy with his hand around a girls waist, like hes protecting her and like he belongs there, it makes me crave some sort of macho-ish guy. When a nice guy is confronted, I feel like maybe he'll bend or break or just not be assertive enough and I don't want to have to feel sorry for my guy. pity makes me feel like someone is smaller than me, and I want someone bigger than me. I want to be the submissive one for once. MAYBE that clears things up. and maybe I should phrase things differently. although I kinda do. "you're too easy" "you're too nice" sorry they hit the asshole stage on you. (dammit) timing is all wrong. 020129 ... birdmad (less and less sure if i was a thug or a w a girl once said the same things to me once, a long time ago, about how i was too nice and seemingly too laid back and about what would i do if she was in danger (which was a real issue for us in those days.) when i displayed how "not_nice" i could be in the course of coming to her rescue (both of the offending parties lived, but none actually WALKED out of the situation...to say nothing of the cuts and scrapes and bruises i took), she found a new reason to doubt me because then she was certain that i was a borderline psychotic and decided from there that the only use she had for me was the occasional "service" call (not that i had been much more to her before that, but at least it looked like there was some possibility there for a minute...) Aaaaaanyway... 020130 ... little wonder I guess I'm one of those girls... Although, I've never told someone that they were too nice...but I just get along with the boys that are sarcastic and cynical and sometimes not so nice. 020130 ... lady lunchbox my boyfriend tells me all the time that i'm too nice...and he tells me that i'm going to get stepped on someday because of it... i just hope he's not the one doing the stepping 020131 what's it to you? who go blather from