you_don't alyssa love me at least that's what I want to think I jump to illogical conclusions always always I am the house that my mom built I am the house that my mom is watching parenthood together on tv today, I said daringly "this whole business of having children is so disheatening. No matter how hard you try they'll end up horribly" (something along those lines) and she asked if I thought I had turned out badly. I wanted to say yes but I ccouldn't so I said I didn't know. Her response: "well you've got a boyfriend who you love and who loves you. You're studying plant biology at the college of your choice. And you've got a good heart. I am proud of the way you have turned out. I don't know how you couldn't think you have turned out well" and I had to try hard not to cry. All of this is supposed to give meaning to my life? I am supposed to believe that she is proud of me when all she ever does is make me feel like a failure? She doesn't realize the complicated game she plays with my life. She doesn't realize that she did indeed fuck me up. 000917 ... TalviFatin own me. I'm not one of your many toys. You dont own me. You cant keep me from those other boys. Dont tell me what to do. Dont tell me what to say. When I go out with you. Dont put me on display... 010726 ... the repeater little fury bug i waved to them. they waved back mockingly with an evil grin. i started running after them, but they were way too fast on their shiny new razor scooters. I got on my tricycle, but that didn't help. My thighs hurt after a couple minutes of pedaling and I went so slow that I could barely see my dreams anymore...they disappeared into the sunset...so i sat there on my tricycle with aching thighs, just waiting until my shadow disappeared and blended with the night. 020618 ... Deomis laugh anymore. why not? I used to be able to read it in every sparkle of your eye, every little movement_of_you Ever since they brought you back things haven't been the same. I yearn to look into your eyes and find that familiar warmth. But when I look at you now- all I see are the closed windows that bar me from seeing your soul ever again. I cry by your side and you don't comfort me. I pour my soul out to you, but you don't hear a word. I hold your hands, but you don't hold mine anymore. You used to be so alive- but you don't have that now. 050114 what's it to you? who go blather from