staff_child cazzi why oh why are people so cruel? my parents are both houseparents at my boarding school where i also live, and it has caused me no end of pain. i feel selfish writing this because i know there are so many other people with far worse pain that this, but it hurts me. it hurts when i am with a group of friends, and they start planning a trip to the pub, and then they all start looking at me and stop talking, because they don't trust me not to tell my parents what they are planning. as if i have any interest in doing that. i have learnt from a very young age that anything i hear at home must not be repeated at school, and so i switched that to mean to same vice versa, and i have always followed that rule. it puts a huge strain on my relationships both with friends and family, but i guess i learnt to deal with that. i hate it when i am sitting in the common room and suddenly someone will laugh and say something really nasty about my parents. it's not my fucking fault that it is their job to tell people off, it's not my fucking fault that all my friends hate my parents because they catch them smoking and drinking and doing other things like that. it's not my fault, so why do they take it out on me? it's as if i am the housemistress, and they can't talk to me because of that or something. i hate it i hate it i hate it when this happens, or anything else about my parents is said, like about my mum being fat. i was just minding my own business walking down the main corridor once and someone said 'oh she's just standing down there being fat' and that hurt. everytime i hear something like that i find myself a corner to cry in. i'm not sure why, it shouldnt' affect me, but it still does. i hate it here, i hate everything about it. i hate it that my school and home life are the same, i hate it that my friends don't trust me or even like me, i hate people being so cruel. my dad is my latin teacher and once in my first year at this school (age 13) i got 99% in my exam. i was sooooo happy, but then my proudness was shattered. everyone said that i had cheated, that my dad was a biased marker or that he had shown me the paper. HE HADN'T. why can't people jsut have accepted that i as the hilder scholar was allowed to do well. it knocked my confidence so badly though, and i didn't wnat to do that well again. in fact, my dad goes out of his way to treat us all fairly so usually i am the one that gets all the horrible treatment, just to show my classmates that he isn't biased. i hate that. i guess i have been writing too long. that's the first time i've ever got all that out, and i feel a bit better. 010330 ... MeKoy cazzie, i think ive read just about everything you wrote. i dont say this much exspeacialy never to strangers. but i love you in away of invy you are so open to other peole about the way you want things to be i just want to know hwo old r u you with the wisdom of any years but i can tell you siill have the heart of a child. 031226 what's it to you? who go blather from