nice_factor impossibility The cover of the book asks the question: "Are you TOO NICE for your own good?" And I'm beginning to wonder if this might not be the case - not all the time, just occasionally, but still rather too often than is probably sensible. People walk over you if you're too nice. They take you for granted if you're too nice. Maybe it's time to get just a little bit nasty every now and then . . . 010222 ... florescent light you're right. And this is very important. Very very important. And it is very common - especially among females. This is something I have been working on. I am trying to accept the fact that I Don't Have to be Liked By Everybody (damnit!). And it's okay for me to be a bitch if I sincerely feel like it. And I have been more mouthy lately, and have been saying, it's not important if they like me, what is important is that I am true to myself. The key is that I have been zoning in more on my feelings - "how do I really feel about this? Feel the feeling, act on the feeling" Instead of, "How do they want me to feel? How should I feel? How am I expected to react? If I feel this way, what will people think?" You know what? Fuck what the people think. But it's real hard. 010222 ... impossibility "Fuck what the people think" is indeed a very good way to go . . . however, it really doesn't come that easily to some people. I don't think I'm deliberately being "nice" to please other people - boastful as it sounds, it comes naturally to be kind, generous, thoughtful, whatever (god, did I really say that?!!) But, the fact is, that a lot of the time when I behave like that, all I get in return is a kick in the teeth. Sad, but true. I'm fed up with getting kicked, so maybe the only way to dodge the hard blows is to strike a few in return. But it's a sad way to think of progressing through life. 010222 ... Dafremen I prefer act like a nice moron that they can walk all over for a week or two. Then, when I'm familiar with everyone in their circle, I break out my infamous razor sharp vocabulary and tear them to shreds. I like to leave them with their jaw open and nothing to say. Then I like to go on about my business as if nothing happened. I spend a lot of time alone. I like it that way, no one kicks you in the teeth or gets so familiar that they think they can take those liberties with you. I play a game called Quake2 every day, have been for years. After 3 years of shutting down trash talking rude assholes, I've earned a nickname which comes from one of the more deadly weapons in that game. They call me the Railgun Tongue. aka Daffy 010222 ... chanaka he said "being nice never got anyone laid" we'll see about that 010222 ... firehunden too nice.....hmmmmm no such thing it cannot happen it is an impossible perfection light' ....you are right, as time goes by you will learn as I have that, "you" are more important than "they" you are your feelings...that is why it hurts. when you shut your feelings out....well, you shut out "you" and "them" there is no way around it. everybody must strive to find that balance balance of feelings comes with experience of life life takes time don't fight time you will lose 010225 ... florescent light If it doesn't matter if people think bad thoughts about me... Then it doesn't matter if people think good thoughts about me either, for a thought is a thought, one isn't of any more value than the other. So then what's the point? 010228 ... birdmad the foundation on which the concept of "finishing last" is predicated and the degree to which it will happen (inversely proportionate, of course) no good deed goes unpunished 010228 what's it to you? who go blather from