elton jane i'll be the first to take this name. wondering how long i should wait for you to come around - will you ever come around? drunk conversations are never the proper way to discuss important issues, although it seems to happen all too often. you, sagittarius: the flame i dared to engage - don't play with fire, they say. 050619 ... j i suppose i'm writing to you because i can't tell you what i need to say. for some reason, i'm afraid if i tell you about how i've been feeling lately, you'll just be burdened by it somehow. but i just wanted to say that i care about you, a lot. & if you need someone to talk to, or not talk to, or sleep next to, please, let it be me. because i think i'm good for you, if you allow me to try. someone to put up with you, knowing it's just the shit you've had to put up with your whole life. someone you can share what you wrote today with. oh god this is all going to turn out so corny, but it needs to be put somewhere. i know you're a good person, but i don't know if you know that or not. & i'd like to support you to show you that you are. i want to break down your walls. i know it's going to be hard, but i know it's possible. i'm willing to try. you are a good friend & you don't even believe it. you have shown me enough to outweigh anything i would have to put up with. you are a good person. remember when i was helping you move, & the three of us smoked pot & ate robin's food. & your neighbors were playing ray charles, & i was dancing by myself on your porch, swaying back & forth. & you came up behind me & put your arms around me, turned me around, & we danced, slow, forgetting that the day was about putting boxes in a truck. you were everything to me then, in that moment, & have been since. i hope you can think of me sometimes, even if it's just to comfort you or know that you have someone to turn to at any time. i'm afraid of you doing something drastic. i'm afraid you're going to hurt yourself, because maybe what you wrote today was the end-all be-all. please don't let this be it. know that you are loved more than you can imagine. 050829 ... jane [[i'll.make.your.dreams.come.true]] 050914 ... jane le_sigh 061229 ... jane i no longer worry about my feelings; i no longer doubt your feelings. we've been through too much now. i can't wait till i exceed the time you spent with her. i wonder if moving in is a bad decision. then again, i know that you were different when you were with her - you were more like the old you, the you when we were first together. harsher exterior. i am so thankful for every day that you have chosen to love me, to extend yourself to me, to take care of me. i value your time and your efforts. i said it before, to you, but it bears repeating - you are a good man. i am a very lucky woman. 070223 ... jane everything is based on trust & communication 070517 what's it to you? who go blather from