biff's_diner_refuses_to_hire_megalomaniac andru235 not to be discouraged by the terse lady who ran the dry cleaners (dry_cleaners_refuses_to_hire_megalomaniac), i boldly sauntered into Biff's Diner, located at the far end of the strip mall. a sign said, "please wait to be seated," but as a megalomaniac, it is my duty to wait for no one. i sat down at once. after a few minutes, a waitress appeared, chewing a strawberry scented gum. "hon," asked the waitress, "is somethin' wrong?" "why, no!" i replied optimistically. "would you rather sit in a booth, instead of on the floor? 'cuz you are blocking the door and if someone tries to get in you'll get whacked," the waitress informed me. i stood up, and strode gallantly towards a window looking out onto the mall. i faced away from her, looking out the window. i clasped my hands behind my back. "inform Biff that Andru235 is here, ready to start his new job," i said in a commanding tone. from behind me came sounds of gum being chewed, and i heard a woman mutter, "hey Rita come gedda load'a this..." i watched a car park in the enormous parking lot. "hon, i didn't hear ya'. what can i help you with?" the waitress asked. "send for Biff at once, my lady. For Andru235 has arrived," i stated. the car backed out of the parking space, maneuvered a bit, and parked in a different spot. that's the great thing about huge parkling lots, i observed silently, if you don't like one place you can just go right ahead and park somewhere else. did i hear someone laughing? probably the waitress, i thought, chatting with a customer. the sky was cloudy, but my spirits - all eleven bajillion of them - were sunny, sunny, sunny. i noticed the car in the parking lot reverse once more, and return to the original spot. after a moment several teenagers exited the car, along with a thick cloud of smoke. i wondered if such a cloud was considered to be cirrostratus. probably that would be for the best, i decided. i made a note to myself to write the local meteorological society when i returned home. some customers went out the door, and i heard the waitress say thanks. i was becoming impatient - how dare Biff hold up a megalomaniac such as myself! i spun around and found that for some reason, the kitchen staff was all gathered behind the register, looking right at me. "hi, i'm Andru235," i said, shaking their hands vigorously. i know how important a hand shake is when it comes to first impressions. they all looked at me with big, silly grins. "well? where is Biff?" i asked, looking the waitress directly in the eyes. "hon, there *ain't* no Biff no more. Biff died twelve years ago!" and they all burst out laughing. i didn't see what was so funny about the poor man's death. "you know," i corrected them, "it's rude to laugh at someone simply because they died. it's not like Biff had any say in the matter!" they found this uproariously funny, to my great irritation. "calm yourselves!" i yelled harshly. "i am ready to start working. what shall i do first?" the waitress regained her composure and said, "you could start by walkin' your sweet little buht out the door b'fore i calls the police," said the waitress, making a walking gesture with two fingers. everyone laughed. i was incensed, but a job is a job, so i did just that. i walked right on out the door. as i stood on the curb, wondering what to do next, i had a sudden epiphany - i hadn't been hired, i had been tricked! the waitress had tricked me into leaving! hmph, i thought. why would i want to work with someone like THAT? i decided never again to grace Biff's Diner with MY presence. i looked once more at the strip mall's various venues. it was then that i saw Madame von Wilson's Palmistry and Tarot Shoppe... 051024 ... andru235 fortune_teller_refuses_to_hire_megalomaniac 051024 what's it to you? who go blather from