if_i_had_the_decency nemo i would tell him. i would stop trying to convince myself that its going to work. i would... do everything different. i would try harder? i would give up? 011128 ... nemo ok so i thought about it some more. i lied. i said i loved him, i've said it a million times. thats not the lie, thats the painful truth. i lied when i said breaking up wasnt an option, when i said i didnt care how much it wasnt working or it hurt... that i would keep trying as long as he did. are you suppose to fight so hard to make things work? or should they just work on their own if they were supppose to? i still lied. i want to end it. i cant see him, i sit at home and wait because he asked me to... its not his fault i have nothing to do or that im alone or that i want to be with him right now and think its worth the wait even if all i get is a call at midnight where he tells about his day with some guy, a car, and 17 tattoo's. its my fault, is this even the issue? maybe he lied too... how can i want to end it, and want to find some one else and not be lying when i tell him i love him. atleast i dont tell him its all ok 011128 ... nemo im so confused... i want to talk to him but it will just make things really shitty. 011128 ... nemo why is it so easy for him to forget and i cant of course he would argue he never forgets about me... he says hes just letting me be in control because he doesnt want to ruin it or hurt me and he just wants me to be happy. he says that alot. he just wants me to be happy. and he just wants to be around me. im not blaiming him at all... thats not it. but i think thats the reason its not "working" what is "working" anyways...? 011128 ... Annie111 maybe you should end it. And then talk to him. 011128 ... ClairE Yes, when you are going around in circles it means it's time for a change. Not in a thoughtless way--it is time to break out of it. Because are you really living your life right now? You_go_girl. 011128 ... shiva i have the decency. girls hate it. 011129 ... ClairE just girls? or everyone? honesty doesn't always equal decency. not like I think you mean that, shiva. Just a thought. 011129 ... shiva they say i am too nice and too considerate. i think and worry too much about other people's feelings and i just need to whip my cock out and show them what's up. i don't know if i agree with them. but it would be nice to be happy... 011201 ... ClairE Hey, you can be considerate AND show me your cock. Your name doesn't happen to be Gabe, does it? 011202 ... whoknows i dont think so 011202 ... shiva no, ma'am. 011202 ... nemo i wish i could just be able to say, and for it to be alright... im gonna break up with you, im gonna hurt you, im gonna go out with this other guy, im never gonna find anyone who has in them what i love about you, i am gonna be coming back shortly, i love you of course since thats actually one of the meanest things i can tell him i would dare to say any of that at all except for i love you 011202 ... ClairE The decency? Try the courage. I admire your insight, nemo. I hope you find a path that leads to happiness soon. (I'm still going with Annie on this one. Believe_me, I know--she's a smart_cookie.) 011202 ... ClairE I would fucking SHUT UP. Somebody stop me now. 020107 ... sotto voce i would reduce the profanity in my everyday speech. i really should cut down on saying the word fuck. it's a bad verb. 020312 ... paste! fuck that 020312 ... sotto voce roger that... yeah. decency is overrated. 020312 ... ClairE I would leave. 020531 what's it to you? who go blather from