no_sleeping_or_intimate_contact birdmad a month ago, on a Saturday afternoon on the Art_Detour, I saw this phrase repeatedly stenciled about a foot above ground level along the outer wall of one of the previously derelict buildings on Grand, just off center from the middle of the downtown areta that now serves as a studio/loft for a pair of artists. the neighborhood where i saw this is populated by an odd mix of historic houses, old industrial fronts and street people, so this was basically a more specific variant of "no trespassing" aimed at discouraging the street people from passing out or making out on the sidewalks around the building. Artists, machine shops, old motels that are still old motels, old motels that are now way-out evangelical churches and old motels that house minimum security prisoners and halfway-house inhabitants, well manicured historical houses and ancient crackerbox apartments that aren't likely any bigger than maybe twice the size of my cubicle. beer cans and bottles stashed under bushes. the dark green paint stenciled along the pale yellow walls one foot from the ground, two feet apart from right to left... appropriately enough, outside of the oversleeping i did in the sick days leading up to my trip to the hospital a couple of years ago it also served as a pretty concise summary of how i've spent the last six and a half years. damn. 040407 ... amateur matchmaker every man needs some intimate contact. what have you been doing for six years? 040407 ... little wonder we were paired up since we were the only 2 there. one of us was to lay down, and the other had to do simple things for relaxation. starting with a shoulder massage, moving to the neck, smoothing out the temples and the jaw line, and onto the actual head rolls. he wasn't allowed to move or help. it was all up to me. simple, simple physical touch that I was supposed to be enjoying, because it would make it more relaxing and enjoyable for him. but I didn't know him, and it made me feel awkward. I tried to ignore it and tell myself I was being stupid, but that's not something you can just ignore and in turn it will go away. I don't know why I freeze up when closeseness or touching is necessary. I try try try to think "it's just acting" but I can't, and it absolutely ruins it. eye contact is sometimes even too uncomfortable. it takes so long to know someone well enough for touch to be welcomed. I'm starting to feel like I can't even converse with the opposite sex. I am socially inept, and I don't know when this happened, or if it's just always been this way. maybe I'm just becoming more aware of myself. 040407 ... birdmad I've mostly been chasing_mirages but other than that, it's not_for_me_to_say 040408 ... why not? i think you need to find some female mirages that can't run very fast. 040408 ... birdmad Charlie_Brown , Lucy and the neverending story of the football 040409 ... Syrope i'm full of rash decisions tonight 040410 ... three words no_sleeping_or_intimate_contact crawling recipes 051220 ... emmi only_sleeping_no_intimate_contact or no_sleeping_only_intimate_contact ? if you had to choose one. 051220 ... misstree it's like seeing under a city's skirt, signs like this. like getting a whiff of its perfume as it presses close. 051220 what's it to you? who go blather from