learning_love knot meat in the backyard after school and your friends have gone home and the person you are around them "you're it" when playing or deciding a matter of some important "strawberry pop tarts" is like the television playing in the background: murmuring elsewhere. mom and dad, are murmuring elsewhere, but louder now rolling in from both sides now as if the memories of pitched voices from that one night before christmas and the image of them standing in the kitchen lurching ever slightly together and then apart like an unlatched gate before they told you to go play will clash at your eyes, and cloud them darkening clouds and then thunder slap like she's a dolly. it's been explained to you in a language you've heard teachers explain things, a rule, something written in chalk and left alone, hands clapped clean as it stands demanding respect. and your father, which is what he is when he sits gently at the foot of your bed with his head always itching or needing his hand to smooth it as if coaxing clay into shape - he said, i have important things to worry about, he used the word heavy. and i need to be helped or left alone. and you understand, which means act like you do. we are a heaviness? how do i act to make myself light? you put those questions in a diary, and pages later they've not been answered. and in the yard there are little bugs under stones, and you don't think until years later what it's like to be under a stone, you look up at the sky and how your house with the yelling bleeds into it and that is heavy, and everything else, the insects walking in bewildered circles until you smash them, a slap, being the prettiest girl in school, and the teacher with her demand you know only what she know they all or so light, that you'd have no trouble saying with the love you know in your heart "if you aren't going to help me, then leave me alone." 040909 ... stork daddy should be they all are so light 040909 ... mourninglight . 040909 ... hsg forgive. integrate smiles with new experiences. the final solution is to bring happiness where happiness was not. 050724 ... whitechocolatewalrus love is hard love is easy love is not what you learn love is not what you expect love is love love is happy love is sad love is savage love is mad love is love and not enough lessons could be taught 050725 ... jane lennon Love is real, real is love, Love is feeling, feeling love, Love is wanting to be loved. Love is touch, touch is love, Love is reaching, reaching love, Love is asking to be loved. Love is you, You and me, Love is knowing, We can be. Love is free, free is love, Love is living, living love, Love is needing to be loved. 050725 ... f uck don't 050726 ... akuma aoi she used to tell me "it's a crime, if anything" and then had the nerve to wonder why i was never sure of her sincerity 050727 what's it to you? who go blather from