it's_all_going_away wish there was something real and it comes to me as no surprise 030422 ... wish there was something true i don't know if it was ever there in the first place... 030422 ...   forse era, ma sempre per un altro e mai per me 030422 ... im going all the way down - mayube it was never here, but it was always somewhere else, at least it seems that way i'm leaving today 030422 ... *silent screams ...atleast that's what I want myself to believe. I never thought I'd allow myself to feel this way agian. I never imagined pain so deep could catch me off guard and completely destroy me like this. I'd love to let go of reality and say fuck everything, let myself turn into a hopeless, lost something or other... yet something won't allow it. How could you slowly coax me into trusting you...then destroy the only truth I thought I had left in my life? I don't even know what's real anymore. Its not like I did before either, but somewhere inside I honestly believed that u'd be the one who would never let me down. The one who could turn my worst day into the best day ever. The one who would never betray or lie to me... the one I'd never have to question... I'm beginning to question myself and it sucks. What sucks even more though is that I've started question you, along with everything said to me. What's really left to belief when one sentence COMPLETELY destroys, and gives reasons not to believe everything EVER said before it? What a stupid mistake 030422 ... no reason i don't know who you are... but please don't leave... don't go all the way down... it may prove to be unworthy 030422 ... rage and for some strange reason thats not destroying me. 041128 ... BC I don't want it to go away. I don't want those dreams to fade to nothing. I don't want you to up and decide I'm not worth it. I never talk you down, I never intend to hurt you, and I never question your actions. In short, I trust you and the decisions you make. My mistakes were bred from ignorance and selfishness. Truthfully, everyone needs to be a little selfish and nobody knows everything. Not once did I plan it out ahead of time, cackling to myself at how efficiently my actions tore you to pieces. The straw that broke the camels back? I didn't call you. Yes, even the people you love and hold close can and will disappoint you. Sometimes they will not be there. But theres a fine line between being taken advantage of and being let down, being abused or disappointed. Being used should not be forgiven, being let down should. Love is not an emotion of convenience. It encompasses every facet of the person you give it to. Loving someone means the whole pie, not just the slices with a strawberry on them. Thats the difference between like and love. I'm not giving up. I will not call it quits. I will not throw up my arms in frustration and flip the board. I love you, and thats just the way it is. 041129 ... no its all gone 041129 ... fix 041129 what's it to you? who go blather from