fragile_world nah....! precious. fragile. b r o k e n 011106 ... birdmad all spider webs and glass held together with whispers (and a little luck ... ...and a little magick) a morning when i was ten years old unusually cold for this place, one morning on the way to school, while crossing through the empty lot on the way to school, a large spiderweb in the branches of a tree along the way, encrusted with ice crystals looking like a giant snowflake i sometimes wonder if i'll ever see such a thing again 011107 ... unhinged i used to think this place was cool. i was illusioned by the beauty of his expression of ugliness. now i have wasted so much time the very same way, driving down barren streets full of crackheads and thieves and i don't see the good in it anymore. people break themselves everyday for the chance to recognize beauty and i guess i'm lucky for what i do; there is so much beauty in it. but when i'm not enveloped in that, i find myself wandering the empty streets with all the other addicts. i wish i could break free, out of the world where the boarded windows and antique advertisements sell run-down pictures and meaningless pursuits. i wish that i could run to you, so far away and focused and beautiful. every snicker and sneer breaks my heart. i wouldn't be found in the finals of anything. but the standard response to escape is 'don't do that'. why shouldn't i? why shouldn't i lose myself in wood and steel and blood and scars? everytime we round the bend, the lights ahead of us pull us home. so easily broken, so easily forgotten. 'i hate you more than you love me'. what an appropriate sentiment with your pills and powders and chocolate covered beetles. where was your insane smile when i needed it? they tell me i shouldn't depend on anyone else to make me happy; anything else to make me smile. but then i hear the snickers and the sneers and i don't see the point of complaining that it hurts. no one seems to care that it hurts. 'don't do that'. you tell me what i'm supposed to do instead and i might choose the alternative. but until then, i will enjoy my solitary pain. as i see it, everything is boarded up and crumbling. the beauty of a broken existence. 021004 ... oldephebe birdmad - man that was excellent equisitely captured - nice writing 030812 ... . . 050607 ... unhinged why can't i be on your couch right now listening to you rustle in your sleep in the other room? god, i get too attached too easily 050607 ... a thimble in time The world is pretty rugged if you ask me; we humans however like to play rough. 050608 what's it to you? who go blather from