Lila Pause
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Yeah, I came off all wrong today. I was jealous_of_everyone but contemptuous at the same time. I wanted to wear my floppy_black_hat this morning, so I said fuck_it, I will. But then when I got to school, I crawled into my_shell and took it off immediately, carrying it around me with all day, embarrassed. Yeah, I resented myself today. Everyone burned up laughing in the tutorial at the class_clown with his silly voices, but I soon got sick of the joke, and sat there straight-mouthed like Mother_Teresa in a strip_club. I was awkward and off-beat with everyone I met. I talked alternately in careless cliche- pulling phrases out of my sleeve like dirty_tissues, and monotonous babble- sating myself with the sensational crumbs of others. And then I brooded- silent in my chair, refusing to say a word to the student next to me. I got the bus driver to reveal his dirty prejudice toward homosexuals and specifically, his disgust for a fellow colleauge who fell into the same category- I brought out the worst in him. Yeah, today I just felt like the greasiest little dreg that never lived.
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050511
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