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the_day_you_died
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h|s|g
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on the down_low like
tunnel_boring_machines
ooOOooo so_perfect
elite_tolerance
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110228
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... |
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h|s|g
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yeah_i_think_she's_fallen_out_of_love
all_love the flo_w_e_are_as
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110228
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... |
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unhinged
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on red
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110228
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crediblehulk
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The day you died, I was living a new life, far away from you, thinking that my time away hadn't changed things so much. Thinking that you still had a reason to hold on.
The day I got the news was the day I expected it the least. I called you not even two days prior to tell you that I was doing alright, and I was thinking that you might be alright enough to make it a little longer.
The day I got the news was the longest bus ride of my life.
Though it's been a little while since you left this world, I still feel a hole in my heart where you once were. The universe didn't let you be the father you wanted to be, and there was rarely a day that I wasn't reminded of that.
I understand now how much darkness you had buried inside you, and how hard it was to just do something simple like smile or laugh. I find it more difficult than most people to do either, myself, but I guess practice makes perfect.
Your suffering is over, and your debts are settled. Mine are still outstanding - there are so many questions, so many things left unsaid. We never had enough time, did we?
The day you died, I was thinking you would live to see me grow up. After I got the news, I realized that I already had.
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160322
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... |
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ever dumbening
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"dreamed i saw a desert rose
dress torn in ribbons and in bows
like a siren she calls to me"
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160323
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flowerock.
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It's so sudden when anyone you know dies. Whether because you loved them or were just used to their presence, it feels abrupt and empty, and reminds you that you'll die too, one day or night. How will that feel? It fills me with anxiety and fear so intense that I believe for a moment that my own heart has stopped and I'm in some limbo between bodily death and whatever is next and I imagine that I have a choice, to experience this death or keep going in an alternate reality where I did not die. How many times am I allowed to do this though? And how far from the original reality am I now? What happens to those left in the other realities? Do they know I died? Did I die?
And I wonder what you thought about the day that you died. I wonder if it's better to have time to think or for it to just happen in half a moment. Half a moment that lasts an eternity.
I think of everyone I know or know of who has passed time to time, just to think of them, just in case it allows them a window or a good feeling from wherever they might be... even if they're a flower or a tree or a new born baby and not even them anymore... they were one...
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160324
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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