things_my_kids_say ovenbird In discussing getting a birthday present for her friend my daughter says, "she likes stuffies, as long as it's not food with eyes." 250414 ... ovenbird My daughter went to a birthday party and came back with serious swag. She tells me, dead serious: "I got these two pumpkins. They're friends." 250428 ... ovenbird My daughter used kids messenger to send me a picture of her foot in which she had drawn a red circle around her big toe. This was followed by a message: "There is a bump on my toe and I am concerned about it" This, folks, is parenting in a nutshell. 250503 ... ovenbird My son upon my arrival home, totally wrecked from my long journey, barely able to stay upright: "Can we have crepes tomorrow? (I DO make excellent crepes but could I have two seconds to settle in? The answer is no.) 250504 ... ovenbird My eight year old daughter: "Christmas sucks for adults. All you get is socks and deodorant." (I do not, in reality, ever recall getting deodorant for Christmas, but she insists that I once did.) 250505 ... ovenbird My daughter was tasked with removing roly-poly bugs from the school garden yesterday and was telling me about it this morning: "We all had to remove ten roly-poly bugs. They're eating the cantaloupe plants! And the watermelon plants! (I don't really care about the tomatoes) But the cantaloupe! The watermelon!" 250507 ... ovenbird 13 year old son: "No one told me it's Mother's Day. So I didn't make you anything. Happy Mother's Day!" (I did get a hug. I'll take it!) 250511 ... ovenbird My daughter, while playing the piano, "Music is like sentences, except there's bar lines instead of punctuation." 250517 ... ovenbird My son has a wiggly tooth that's driving him crazy. Last night I found him lying on the floor in the upstairs hallway trying unsuccesfully to pull it out. "I want this tooth OUT!" he says. "I'm not sure there's much I can do about it." "How much would it cost to have a dentist take it out?" "I don't think they'll do that unless there's a medically justified reason." "Is IT HURTS a medical reason?" "I doubt it" I leave him to his furious tooth wiggling. As of this morning it's stubbornly staying put. 250523 ... ovenbird My oldest is playing Rocket League and says: "I'm going to do a flip reset Musty double tap" Me: "I'm sorry, those words do not make sense in that order." 250525 ... ovenbird Walking home from her dance class my daughter turns to me suddenly and says, “I’m not against stray dogs anymore.” “Were you against stray dogs before?” I ask. “Well, yes. I didn’t like the idea of stray dogs, but now I’m okay with them because I know if they’re stealing something it’s because they want to live.” “I think that’s true of a lot of living things.” “Probably. Anyway, if I see a stray dog I won’t be scared.” “There aren’t really any stray dogs around anyway.” “Yeah, but theoretically…” “Okay.” 250601 ... ovenbird My daughter, when she hears Jeff Buckley's Yard of Blonde Girls: "This is inappropriate! Turn it off. This is not a song for eight year olds" "What do you mean?" "It has the word 'sexy' mom! This is not okay!" 250602 ... ovenbird At breakfast, my daughter suddenly says: "The substitute teacher I had yesterday only had nine toes!" 250606 what's it to you? who go blather from