midpoint peyton Halfway through the month. The month that I knew would be the hardest. But it's not been as rushed as it has been. It's just been a tangle of empty space. Not since time overseas have I spent this much time alone. I'm talking hours and hours and hours alone. I didn't leave my apartment for three consecutive days. I cooked my own food. Every day was a carbon copy of the last. Thank God it won't last forever. I'm not sure what I would do if my life were stuck like this. I know that my time here, in this city, is dead. I've got a month left until the big ride. And then it's all over Dorothy.. it's time to hop into the tornado and go. Are there many loose ends here? Not many. There's a big glaring one at the cingular store down the road, but I'm stymied and cowardly, so it will likely end like everything else. Maybe she'll understand. But then again, maybe I'll find the guts to go put it to bed right. We'll see, won't we. It rained really, really hard today. I could hear the drops falling against the ground like comets. So, I lit a cigarette and stood on the balcony until the rain put it out for me. My pants are still wet from the splashing. It was so beautiful. I thought about kissing in the rain. I wanted to get caught out in it with someone and steam up windows somewhere. Some other day, love, perhaps. It's all over for today. Monday I have my farewell luncheon. I'll smile and wave and pretend like everything was fine. I'll wear the mask just a bit longer. And then it's done. Six years gone. Like ashes. I'm still dancing the song and dance with you know who. She's starting to disgust me, though. So much fucking small talk. We're nothing similar, that much is for certain. I've never seen someone cling so hard onto high school. My head is dizzy and I'm cold. Everything is so stale in here. I'm praying for tidal waves. I finally named my jeep. Her name is Alie. She loves me as much as I love her. Good night, life. 050814 what's it to you? who go blather from