its_only_pain Doar you state, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that statement. so casually discarded, like the wrapper from a sandwich. it makes us believe in the absoluteness of a switchblade movement. 040827 ... mourninglight its only pain its only a self actualization..thing.. its only the one state where emotions click with their source, and the past present and future crystalize into one.. when there is pain, there is assurance of life, but don't ever take mine for yours again. things said in passing often have the most significance my dear. 040827 ... Symphonic Can you see the fires of Eden burning in my brain? Pushing at these restraints, a pact licking at the pain, of visions floating down another heart into the soft rain. A pebble in your boot used for a silent sojourn. You should stop to remove it but you really cannot learn. She plays the chords of my being, carving a slow turn. 040831 ... gollum...unhinged so bright so beautiful my precious... i shiver at the tastiness of the memory, artistic self_mutilation that has put me at peace, deeply meaningful to me even as i explain it and they laugh; no, you don't understand and i don't expect you to. as deep a revelation is most definitely private. and i wear it, this artistic manifestation of pain and dualistically spiritual wholeness at last as my badge. it's where my life has led me. and it's where i'm going to stay. 040831 ... pete the pain, that is, i find in acceptance 040831 ... egger i will turn my rage against that one little word, "only," i will rend it and i will howl and scream and i will teach it just how powerful pain is. 040831 ... daxle only theatre of pain 040901 ... pete as we biked up the hill away from her house he looked over at me and said, "she is the kind of girl that you can fall in love with over and over." i took that in, smiled, and said something to the such of: "the story of my summer." we biked a little more in silence, as i am a horrible conversationalist, especially when i'm not comfortable with my surroundings or companions at the point in time. "you know, in the last week i really think i had a chance with her. if she wasnt moving to new brunswick i would have tried. a shame." my heart sunk for hers. if he had tried he would have shattered the last of her happiness, he would have crushed her opinion of humanity entirely. she was grasping for a friend, and she found someone who wanted a chance at her. she was grasping for a safety net, a reason to believe in the good of people again, and she found someone completely capable of destroying that belief once and for all. i wont tell her this, that would be just as bad as if he tried. i feel the pain though, the silent implosion of her heart and existance, as it was disclosed to me in our countless hours of walking and talking and confessing to eachother. when i fell in love with her, i found my dearest friend. 040901 what's it to you? who go blather from