things_i_want_to_say_but_can't
factory reject ....
such a coward!
just say it...
....

dammit.
I blew it.
050605
...
cross-reference what_i_want_to_say_but_can't 050605
...
palm Well. Actually I can say. Right here.


If you and I spent a lifetime together. I wouldn't be opposed..
050606
...
latchkey why'd the fucking message get erased? i know i pressed 9. I know i did.

i'm scared because i can't remember what you said word-for-word, i just know it was at least a minute long. i never returned your call, but i wanted to. so. much.

now i don't even have your phone number anymore. i don't have your letters anymore. i don't have your photographs anymore. the one thing i thought i had left...your last ditch effort left while i was laying on my bed, listening to the phone finally stop ringing... i don't even have that anymore.


so yeah, i admit it. i needed to hear it again. i needed to hear YOUR VOICE again.

I_needed_YOU.
050607
...
. fffffffff............. 050608
...
unhinged i need you
i want you
i want to wrap you in blankets and feed you kitchen soup
i want you to be my cuddle friend




just get the hell off my back asshole
do you have any idea how much of my sickness is because of the way you've talked to me for my entire life?
050608
...
unhinged weird...chicken came out as kitchen
hhmmm
050608
...
unhinged here_it_is_love 050609
...
LS Nice, Unhinged. 050609
...
jane it took me years to find that book, & now it's ruined because your stupid ass threw it in a box. 071210
...
Lemon_Soda "Hi. Yeah, its me. I was thinking that I like talking to you and we dont' talk anymore. I miss it alot and I kinda hope you do too...so...if you do...lets talk." 071210
...
bauxxx I wish you could love me back one day. 071210
...
i may be pregnant with someone else's baby and you will never know about it. 080423
...
:( what?

oh please tell me.
i love babies.
080423
...
carlos by the way,
im in love with you.
080423
...
Ouroboros I cheat on you every night in my dreams. 080424
...
jane i am really really scared. 080424
...
TransientX I want to tell her that I love her, while looking into her beautiful dark eyes, and holding her beautiful hands. 080424
...
nandita I don't care much about all the suffering anymore. 100208
...
In_Bloom Not much anymore
I say what I want and
Whoever listens
Really listens
I'm feeling someone is actually listening and it scares me beyond
And beyond
Because I've said what I want after all these years
And here I am
100210
...
unhinged you hurt me when you act like hearing from me is a nuisance



i have to practice not contacting you for the time when it becomes nearly impossible to contact you. when you cried wolf, it made me cry on the street on my way to work. i had to stop and gather myself. on a busy downtown street (it was early winter morning still dark), i had to stop because i couldn't see where i was going through all the tears.




i couldn't see where i was going through all the tears
180426
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from