meeting_my_former_self Christ without the cross When looking back on my blathes, i am reunited with a person that isn't quite me. He is always in variations. Sometimes he is scared. Sometimes he is obnoxious. Sometimes he is kinda arrogant. But his thoughts, never quite fit me in the present... But then there are those other times, when i read his words and he sounds exactly like i am now. It angers me. I am angry at the similarities. I should be different by now. We change but it is slow and it seems to be dictated by life. It seems like i am a slave to the universe being dragged near the ground holding the power to break free,but in a strange way, dependent and comforted by the universe dragging me and scared that if it were to stop i would be devoured by an even greater threat. So I choose what i know and i grind my teeth as i drag against the ground because who knows what the unknown would do to me. I am a coward and knowing that and meeting my former self and still seeing that; it tears me up in side. Because I hear his words and I i have all the wisdom in the world but i am a hypocrite because I don't follow it. So i can't look at him and ridicule and belittle him because I am exactl;y where he is. Maybe that is the problem. I keep trying to destroy him instead of help him, so that we can do this together. I need to get over myself. he is not so much of a dissapointment. 070203 ... Christ without the cross I have learned that the key is just saying fuck it and move boldly. Move forward. I wonder how many days i will continue to live this half life, how many lifetimes. i'm growing and the moment I stop being hard on myself maybe i might be relaxed nough to just say fuck it im not gonna kiss anyone's ass anymore, Im gonna love them. i'm niot gonna lie anymore, im gonna tell the truth. im not gonna try to poke at things with a stick. ill just let it be done, let it go and just free myself. i just need to make up my mind and not make excuses anymore 070301 ... pSyche futureme. I used to be so childish and innocent. 070301 ... gja I have two sons: One is three and the other is two. Sometimes being with them is like meeting_my_former_self 070301 ... . When I read things I blathed even but a year ago, I get a curious sense of this. Nothing, however, compared to the feeling of encountering a previous incarnation of oneself... 070301 ... Syrope i feel like i've changed so much. but some things are still the same. painfully same. 070301 ... hyena i was you, once. no wonder i hate you so much. 070302 what's it to you? who go blather from