endless desire god i just want to make anyone proud.
anyone at all. i feel like im failing everyone miserably. . .over and over and over again. and it'll never end. i'll just be failing everyone until i die. everywhere i turn, someone is telling me that im not doing enough, that i don't care enough, that i'm not trying enough. this used to be enough. this is the best i can do. and i just want to make some proud. i just want them to smile and i say and i sit down and take a break. that i've done enough and i can rest. because im just so tired. so very tired. and i just want to be enough for everyone. i want to make you proud. i want to make everyone proud.

good job ell
good job
right? no.
(and then i hang my head)
if only i could be proud of myself.

{{the presentation is everything}}
Death of a Rose . 031127
Lemon_Soda your name is appropriate, Endless, and I feel the hook like pain than wrenchs your chest when you think about this.

Would my friends and family stand and say they are glad they know me and would freely associate me in public?

I hope so.
i read over your shoulder you do make me proud, all the time. 031127
megan i wish i could just make you love me
it would be so much simpler
i'm trying, i really am
what else do you want???
do you want me to bow down and kiss your feet? sop my tears off your lap with my hair? break my own spirit only to have it replaced with a softer, even-less-like-me me?
i cannot, will not do that.
ambermoon i want to make you proud of who iv become.your the one that was behind me all these years. never letting me down when others drop me to the ground. you have always been there to catch me before i hit. i may not say it or show it all the time but i am proud of you. im proud to have you in my life and happy that you continue to keep me in yours. im a luckey girl. i love you.
all iv ever wanted to do is make you proud to know me to be with me. are you proud?
Zoe so i will stop drinking, stop smoking, stop having sex, start studying, start going to church, start hanging out with "normal people". although i do not want to, i will for you. you deserve this because i put you through so much shit. not ever knowing where i was, or who i was with. not knowing if i was driving around drunk, or high. being afraid that you'd get a call saying i was hurt... or dead. so i will do some things i don't want to do for you, because you did things you hated for me all those years. and maybe... someday... you'll be proud of me. 040303
pipedream because i crave to hear the words from your mouth, i want you to tell your friends on the phone about what i did in that warm, slightly self-deprecating but pleased voice you use when you do things like that. 040304
what's it to you?
who go