i_realize dondeestanlosjaguares I know that I still love you, and that I am still in love with you. I hate the fact that I had to say goodbye, but you were hurting me far too much. That single shred of hope was tied around my neck and whenever i tried to go out into the world and learn, it would choke me. I don't want you to think that I am evil, and I know some day you might blame me for having turned my back on you, but I was the one that had the courage to bury what was already dead, though you may find it as stupidity. But even now, I cannot give up hope. I am what you would call a true hopeless romantic. I could never give you up if I had something to hold on to. But I could not bare to be that second choice should your new love fail you. Not because of pride, but because if I were to have remained your friend, every time I heard about all the little mishaps in your present relationship, I would give myself false hopes. I could never grow like that, I could never put myself through such abuse. Yes, I was selfish, but not in the way that you think. I still want to talk to you, and with great effort, I have managed to not do so. I still want to see you, hear you smile, make you laugh. That is somebody else's job now. I still want to listen, to sympathize, to make you feel wanted. That is for someone else to do. I still want so much to do with you, but as you can see, my being near would bring me to tears, and pain, and suffering. I think i deserve a little better, at least some sort of decency. but I do realize that I am in love with you Ms. Z. I can never forget all the beautiful memories and I could never forget how amazing and wonderful you truly are. But there is still pain in my heart, to the deepest core. My soul is not rejoicing now, knowing what I've done. So, that I may not live to regret this, I will leave it up to chance. . . Ms. Z. if you ever read this, please call me, or write me, or text me, or email me, or use telepathy, I don't care how, but let me know you read this, and you really do understand how I feel. Maybe then, we can begin friendship anew. my heart sinks, my soul shrinks, but i know this is not the end of us i said goodbye, but i realize, i really meant: "i love you with all of my heart and soul." 040930 what's it to you? who go blather from