i_cant_wait_to_take_the_pill 6am i crave for it. i really do and i try to bring the feeling in a natural way but i cant'... its impossible. but this week a couple really bad things happend, and im really pissed and depressed about it. so tomorrow after class im gonna pop a pill. and its gonna be great. this weekend i will feel great. i dont take the pill for the 'high' although i do love that too. but what i really crave is the 'down' i luv the heaviness of my heart and complete lack of hope and the insanely pessimistic way of thinking. i feel like i've grown to have so many defense mechanisms that my life is such a lie. but when i take ecstacy while being depress the 'down' brings back every single bad memory and slams it in my chest and i dont try to defend or lie to myself; its just pure honesty, and its excruciatingly painful. i luv it. 040304 ... *silent screams My body is craving it. My mind is suffering from it and from lacking it. Part of me now feels like I need it. If I don't get it soon I feel like I'll go insane. Its the only thing within my grasp that will make everything all better. I now know what they mean when they say weed is a gateway drug. After trying E, nothing else feels like it could satisfy. I want it, almost feel as though I need it in order to get through another day. No other pills been able to do what this one does for me. 040304 ... misstree big, fat, double-sized paycheck this weekend. might surprise the playmate with rolls, if i can find quality enough to be worth it. it's glorious, but it still boils down to sensation, and there's a million paths up that lickable mountain. 040304 ... shivers starting the pill tomorrow... not completely sure why 040304 ... Piso Mojado maybe saturday. maybe maybe maybe 040304 ... blown cherry "if saturday, saturday, ever comes round" 040305 ... shoccolo PFSH! weed is not a 'gateway drug'. your dealer just happens to dabble in more than mine does, and you're easy to sell anything to - that's all. 040814 ... rage its a problem i've had since i was a child when something is put in front of me, i have to take as much as i can, as fast as i can, and yet i'm still never satisfied i cant wait 041110 ... broken8/28/02 -Sarah- You are so fucking retarded, trying E and thinking pills are your way out. You are not the one I grew to know, not the one I grew to love. I love you with all of my heart and it kills me to see you turn into some different. You are a completly different person. I really hope you either quit, or your habbit abuses you, as you did it and me. I hate you 050308 ... rage wow looking back at that i had no idea what i was in for i tried it on the fantasy holiday, now im back in the real world and just cant get my hands on any reality_bites 050711 what's it to you? who go blather from