helpless_the_bunny hsg http://www.leri.org/helpless/helpless.html I n t h e B e g i n n i n g . . . Helpless the Bunny was an ordinary stuffed rabbit, made in Taiwan, of all-new, synthetic materials. Until a fateful night in the dark heart of Iowa changed everything... forever. Late at night in a one bedroomed hippie love commune in an apartment complex in Cedar Falls, Iowa, Agent Scotto, Agent Weirdmom and Agent Unsane were ingesting far too much Dr. Pepper, cheese and acid to do anyone any good. Agent Scotto momentarily left the happy party to search for an "unknown article" is his dandy dirt brown Toyota. When he returned, he had a neon pink, green and yellow bunny in his hand. Its ears were shaped like bananas. Agent Weirdmom and Agent Unsane immediately made fun of it, until Agent Scotto threw his drumstick at them and wailed something about the rabbit being lodged under his car seat for a few months. Why, the other agents asked, would you have a neon colored rabbit stuck under your car seat? "It was a birthday present to psycho girl," Agent Scotto informed us, "and when we broke up, she gave it back to me, saying she didn't want it. She rejected the bunny!" He shook the bunny madly, "SHE REJECTED THE BUNNY!!" A sad story it was. Even sadder was the bunny. It certainly tried to look happy for our sakes, but obviously its heart wasn't in it, for it had been wedged under the seat of Agent Scotto's front car seat for months with moldy objects that were slowly gaining more sentience than it owned itself. "Such a poor bunny," Agent Unsane said. "Such a pathetic bunny," Agent Weirdmom said. "Such an unwanted bunnny," Agent Scotto sobbed. "It's all alone in the world," they cried as one, "it's completely HELPLESS!" Since then, Helpless the Bunny has been dragged around the country against its will, thrown about at a large fleshmeet in New Mexico, forgotten like a dirty sock hiding under a couch and then stuck in the back window of Agent Spigot's car in Colorado, leading to the unfortunate "Helpless Butt Bleaching". It was rescued and taken back to Iowa, then to Berkeley, California, where it became a chew toy for Zub-Zub, the ferocious and drug-induced cat. (Is it a real cat? We're just not sure!) Helpless was rescued from the jaws of sure death, sewn and patched back together by Agent Erica and then taken to a few places that even it is too mortified to admit. Helpless attended the 1996 Al Catra and was then ran over by the lerimobile, which later drove it to Austin, Texas (occasionally being tied to the front grill), where it had a little recuperation period. Next on Helpless' agenda is a world tour. It will be crammed into a tiny box with no food and sent to the four corners. Hopefully it will return. But, of course, it will never return except through the will and kindness of others. Because it is truly Helpless. Helpless stays in touch throughout his travels via email and welcomes offers of food, shelter, and warm stitching in the event of an emergency. And do follow the snazzy hyperlink to the Helpless Photo Gallery! 070612 what's it to you? who go blather from