don't_finish_the_story daxle Depression thoughts vs. depression feels. We tend to talk about the feels like they're in charge, at least more in charge than the thoughts. Feelings cause thoughts. Change feelings, and thoughts stop. I see the sense in that. Without the feelings, the thoughts are much less likely to crop up, amplify, and possibly take over. For dealing with the feels I have a checklist; a to-do list of sorts. It works, but it takes time. During the waiting period, the thoughts are a threat. They could try to convince me that things will not get better, that there's no use working the list, and that maybe I should instead indulge in some other behaviors that will bring temporary gratification but ultimately greater misery. If the thoughts are allowed to take over, the feelings get much worse, but that's not the worst part. The worst part is that fears are made into reality. For example: "Nobody likes me," one of my classic thoughts. If I indulge that thought, feed it with "evidence," and let it come to a boil, I start acting in a way that repels others. The thought has then grown roots and becomes more difficult to dislodge. So I've got another list, a list of thoughts I will not indulge. When I notice one of these thoughts, I see it as a signal to stop. Just, stop. I don't finish the story. Instead I see these thoughts as a little alarm signal telling me to activate the self-care to-do list. Then, the thought feels more like a throbbing pain waiting for the painkillers to kick in than it does like a description of reality. I can be with that. Writing it all out, it sounds like a tiresome way to live. I think I can manage it because most of the time depression is not trying to creep in. It only happens when unexpected circumstances throw off my routine, and I have the privilege of a pretty stable life. But right now it's a thing, and I'm waiting for the painkillers to kick in. Sending love to everyone who is struggling, and wishing them peace. 181012 ... Risen This is an excellent description. Guiding your min away from thoughts is like avoiding pushing on a bruise or picking a scab. It's difficult, and it requires self-control, but it isn't impossible. Right now, I'm supposed to be NOT avoiding the thoughts, because I'm supposed to be writing a summary of my health (including mental health). It's been weeks and I haven't written a word, because reversing that kind of dissociation, being that vulnerable, and having no support structure seems, frankly, dangerous. I'm scared that if I do examine my feelings about my current situation, let alone the situation itself, I will go back to feeling suicidal. Then I get caught in a loop of never wanting to hurt the people around me, so I go back to not thinking about it and making no progress. The hardest thing is to not have the words you need. 181015 what's it to you? who go blather from