kate i stood there, like i realized i normally stand there, mouth opened enough, head upright, tooth brush brushing.. and eyes closed. I close my eyes while I stand there, cleaning my teeth. I close my eyes and think, like I think whenever I do anything. I can't decide if it takes me longer to shower when i'm asleep or awake. There must be a max or min point, if only i could plot it out somehow. And tonight, this morning, right there, I was thinking about a lot of things, more than just that i wish i could insert a few hours here and there for me to get more of you. your words or your voice or just whatever it is we are calling you, but i know that more of you would make more of me happier. so i thought and i brushed, with my eyes closed comfortably, and i knew that you could stay here and even if it was weird, we could survive and i'd sleep on the couch so you wouldn't have to. i know that half of my worries involve the roommates - because i don't know what to tell them, because i'll act weird as all hell around them with you here.. because the idea of you really being here sounds so out there and unreal, but so awesome. my roommates, i don't know how to tell them things like this. i guess i'm not good at communicating.. but i must be doing something or else i have no idea why you'd like me. so i was just thinking that you could stay here if you want and that makes sense but i am scared of what me 24/7 is like to someone else, and since probably before you even said you'd really, actually, truly try to come.. i had this picture of sitting out on the fire escape with you while you smoked like i know that you do. and it was just cool. it just felt in my image like a cool thing to be doing.

so i was thinking about a lot of things while i brushed my teeth just now.. but mostly, i was just thinking about telling you that i had my eyes closed.
jennifer you were supposed to hang up before you got offline
and I would still talk to you
pretending like I didn't read it
and just before you signed off
I would say
goodnight, kate
and you don't have to sleep on the couch
then log off really fast
so you would lie awake in bed
and ponder just what that really meant

now I am the one lying awake
realizing it is at an end
I don't know if it just hit me now
or that I've known it for some time

two months seems like such a long time ago
but it's really not

I know there's something missing now
something that I'm not sure I ever really had
but there is a void somewhere in me
maybe the attention
maybe the phone calls
I don't know

maybe the thought of you
late at night
thinking of me
Quiggz I brushed my teeth with a porcupine... did I spell that right? 010102
what's it to you?
who go