but_im_experienced_babe sab but i'm experienced, babe does it push you away i could learn how to love and it wouldn't take much to show me but i'm experienced, babe [tori] 040719 ... Syrope i thought maybe i'd dabbled in everything there was to dabble in. i was wrong. 040720 ... unhinged 'oh come on. pleeeeease. it's too expensive for you to get hooked on anyways.' if i'm chewing it, you're not doing it. and you look at me and see a stupid kid that falls for your shit. i know you didn't want to hurt me; you aren't THAT mean. but you have no idea of my life. i hid good from you; we were the meaning of the phrase 'no one really ever knows anyone.' that i used to swallow pills and then take shots hoping that maybe this time i might stop breathing in my sleep. that for months before that night, my tongue itched for sharp round edges to choke on, choking down with cheap schnapps or long islands. more experienced than you know babe, how i tried to tell you back then. and you sat there whispering sweet nothings in my ear like some bad after-school special on peer pressure and drugs. razorblades remind me of coke. small agile hands sectioning, crushing, powdering. i had a taste for pills like my cravings for thai food and crawfish. my special occasion, my vacation. my opiates manufactured in a lab by a man in a white coat. for months i could taste it. don't ask me where my willpower came from. i just couldn't let myself go that far. 'oh come on. pleeeeease. it's too expensive for you to get hooked on.' if i was chewing it, you weren't doing it. it was a convienent excuse. 040720 ... pepperdrinks all the mothers in town they don't even wait til i'm not around to resent me their critical eyes through the blinds are just waiting upstairs indecision as it's ruined weighing up all the options casual meetings others competing oh dear mama what's that you're saying? you're drawing the wrong conclusion of my intentions ...more tori 050826 ... captain_subtext can be said while applying for a new job. heh heee 050826 ... chocolate while waiting she_said_im_experienced_babe 050826 ... captain_subtext answer to: are you experienced? 051031 ... unhinged i hung on by the skin of my teeth i came so close one night i was afraid to fall asleep i could feel the weight of almost too much pressing down on my chest i was afraid to fall asleep my tongue still itches for it from time to time when i am still enough to feel the dull aching in my heart where_you_used_to_be 190928 what's it to you? who go blather from