ugliest silentbob Just want to communicate that lately I am really emotional and in my own head a lot and I have been coming here to let it out, like old times. I fear this may be the ugliest version of myself and may be the only one you get to see. But if we spent time in person, you would be quite delighted, I think. I am just here for catharsis and writing in a place no one knows about. I think others may use it for the same. I appreciate your support and godspeed. 140116 ... unhinged (theres nothing ugly about getting in touch with your emotions and putting them in their place friend. this place is emo as ever, at least as far as im concerned. i say, come to blather and let it out. you may still be judged , garner unsolicited_advice and negative opinions from some, but as the years have passed this has become an even safer place to figure it all out. we all need support and love and catharsis. nothing ugly about that) 140116 ... silentbob unhinged_is_the_best 140116 ... unhinged :-) 140116 ... silentbob A little bit afraid today I don't have the capacity to actually love anyone romantically if I am actually dating them. I'm so addicted to the mystery of the faces made up of pixels, clicking through over and over, the depth and the shade, the frenzy of the fantasy, the smothering my face in a pillow wondering what it would be like. And when I find someone nice who satisfies all the requirements there is some imaginary x / n / y factor that is unnameable. And it ends. As all things end. And what does that mean for the long term? Am I just fucked? 140117 ... unhinged i have only had one relationship that lasted more than three months my blather unsolicited_advice for you: the next time you are confronted with a girl that wants to talk to you face to face forget whatever you do online with profiles. quit it cold turkey. devote that compulsive energy to getting to know her. not just her favorite food, but her favorite place to go. her favorite way to get there. her oddest idiosyncracy. turn over rocks with her and see what wriggles out. then you can at least make an honest informed opinion when you tell her how you feel. that said, i have also been spending a lot of time recently trying to define what dating is to me and ihave reached the conclusion that i dont even want to try right now. i am pretty sure i know whati want but i still have ridculous difficulty in telling people what i need. 140117 ... silentbob Everything after "that said" is how I feel most of the time. I thought this would be different. this_started_in_such_earnest 140118 what's it to you? who go blather from