i_fucking_wish_for_anything_but_this Farool I want to curl into the fetal position and wait until a half a year ago, when you were still in love with me. Then I'll be able to cry, and you'll help me. It'll be wonderful, just you wait. Waiting for the passt sucks, in my opinion. You see, I just not only made me mom cry, I just found out that I'm sending her to fucking therapy. Trigger guilt in three, two, one. We have suicidal tendencies! Oh, I also am tearing apart my family because I'm a weakling. Oh oh oh oh oh! Guess what? I'm the official black sheep, the shame of the Ahlvins. You know how to fix that? Good old fashioned abuse! Who doesn't love military school? Oh yeah, side note, my family is homophobic. So yeah. They want to ship me out. They want to kick me out. My family doesn't want me around anymore. I'm a fucking smear on the family. Even un-fucking-conditional love is too much for me, more than I deserve. God. Fucking hell. I wish I was dead. 060316 ... Young people...hang in there! It seems likely that you are currently dead, waiting to live. You will probably not be born until you move out of your parents sphere of influence, which is a ways off yet, I assume. But I hope you stick around until then because from the fertile soils of misery grow some of the most beautiful flowers! You will probably hate me for saying that. Are you gay? Or is mention of your family's homophobia meant as an indice of their toleration-capacities? At any rate, your blathe moved me, and was anything but mediocre. There are many mediocre blathes that have not moved me, but this is not one of them. From this far away place I am sending you "good energy". I hope you can find it within yourself to open up and accept this trivial offerance...I know it isn't much. 060316 ... Farool There's nothing quite like aunonymous praise, or however you spell that. I'm a bisexual transvestite. 060316 ... dipperwell Life is short, but it is wide. It is highly unfortunate - in my case as well - that mothers and fathers are not absent of glaring flaws and horrendous acts simply because they are your mothers and fathers. You were not the child they expected, the one they assumed they deserved, and they are not the parents you expected, the ones you assumed you deserved. It would be convenient if their status as parents made them less human. Because humans are so organic, they are so easily fucked up. They less human you make something - even our computers are still too organic, it's why they can get overheated - the better it works. The more perfect it gets. But then, is it worth it? In times when it hurts so acutely to feel, perhaps. I hope you find that your existence redeems itself. Because some people out there, as you know, are total assholes. 060322 what's it to you? who go blather from