disillusion Sonya "Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion." -Miguel de Unamuno It's amazing how one quote can totally change your life and unite you with other people. The mentioned quote literally turned my life rightside up and upside down instantly. Disillusion surfaces when you realize what you once believed in was false in some way or another. I can't pretend that I can easily forget, nor can I pretend that things were superficial or trivial. My disillusion started the moment he said "I don't want to lose you. Don't walk away." I remember hearing that and thinking it was meant, but of course one can never TRULY know another person's hidden intent. My disillusion was on its way to full bloom when he said he hoped I was going to carry his child one day. Talk about poignant words. I was better off just stepping off a cliff at that moment. I guess my disillusion fully bloomed when he said he wanted a real genuine future with me days before he totally nullified those same words. It was in my best interest not to believe him, but in the beginning he always wanted me to believe IN him. Disillusion can really explode when it comes from discovering falsity in the one person you believed to be the most honest and caring. Am I bitter towards men? No. Am I bitter towards love? No. I am however bitter towards the circumstances we all seem to weave for ourselves and the circumstances that Fate often throws into our webs without our permission. If the price for true happiness in the end is disillusion and perhaps a cut to the heart here and there inflicted by people who you cherish, then I am willing to pay this price. I can only say that I pity the people who are in self denial about the supposed truthes that lay before them because I remember when I was in that same position myself. We want so much to have pure happiness that we are afraid to doubt what we have within our grasp for fear that the realities we do not want to experience might actually be true. Disillusion comes to the doorstep of everyone's heart, no matter how old or young. Most of us don't care until we hear that first knock, but by then it's already too late. No matter how many warnings we receive from our family, our friends, or mere strangers, we do our best to hold onto whatever it is that gives us joy. Disillusion creeps in at just the right moment to bring us back to our senses. It's too bad it's at the expense of our hearts. 011105 ... . . 040314 what's it to you? who go blather from