beautiful_snarls cheerleaderslut isn't it funny when a smile looks no different from a snarl on the face of one long past. isn't it funny that the words of a writer a thinker and a lover, can no longer hold any breadth to themselves isn't it funny 041202 ... unhinged sardonic you sat too close to me touching and i couldn't bear it 'excuse me; my butt must be in the way' and you looked up quickly hard and soft at once 'what's wrong with you?' and i looked at me feet shaking my head with the smile on my lips when it hurts so bad but i can't cry practiced indifference 'nothing. nothing at all.' that i couldn't tell you how much it hurt when you left me and you didn't even know it 080810 ... unhinged *my i hate that typo; i believe it's my most common one 080810 ... unhinged or i sat down next to you on the couch at his birthday party my leg touching yours i pressed up against you rather than pulling away and the guilt started to eat me (that i still wanted you more than i wanted my own boyfriend) my foot started to jiggle some young neighbor girl blatantly asked for some coke and only then did i realize my foot was jiggling i turned to you 'i need a cigarette' got up from the couch, from you you looked at my leg 'yeah you do' 'yeah, my leg does that now; i barely even notice it' you were in town this weekend for a funeral but even then, you seem happier now doing nothing but surfing and playing music in a sunnier nicer place your eyes twinkled like the night we met and i realized it had been a long time since they did that you have a beard again you can grow the best beard goddamn i miss you 091013 ... Lemon_Soda spattered_scarlet 091014 ... Jurisprudence Beautiful mornings when at the last minutes I think you've gone so far from me but then your arms reach to stop me and pull me close with murmurs and soft snarls Yes 091014 ... unhinged we live closer again every few months you make the trip from portland the last time i was visibly sad how_to_be_miserable you sat next to me at dinner smiling and chatting while your current petulant art student girlfriend sat on the other side of you raking over her beet salad probably imagining my face while i couldn't help but notice that she was a thinner more privledged version of me you looked at me and said 'i just want you to be happy' and i bit my cheek in frustration while she glared at us sideways (i realized after the fact that she was the one you were dating when i pressed my smile to yours and told you i would have made you happy wonder if you told her the whole her hating me thing is actually kinda justified isn't it?) 120606 what's it to you? who go blather from