cheerleaderslut isn't it funny
when a smile looks no different from a snarl
on the face of one long past.

isn't it funny
that the words of a writer
a thinker
and a lover, can no longer hold any breadth to themselves

isn't it funny
unhinged sardonic

you sat too close to me
and i couldn't bear it
'excuse me; my butt must be in the way'

and you looked up quickly
hard and soft at once
'what's wrong with you?'

and i looked at me feet
shaking my head
with the smile on my lips
when it hurts so bad
but i can't cry
practiced indifference
'nothing. nothing at all.'
that i couldn't tell you
how much it hurt
when you left me
and you didn't even know it
unhinged *my

i hate that typo; i believe it's my most common one
unhinged or i sat down next to you on the couch
at his birthday party
my leg touching yours
i pressed up against you rather than pulling away
and the guilt started to eat me
(that i still wanted you
more than i wanted my own boyfriend)
my foot started to jiggle

some young neighbor girl
blatantly asked for some coke
and only then did i realize my foot was jiggling
i turned to you
'i need a cigarette'
got up from the couch, from you
you looked at my leg
'yeah you do'
'yeah, my leg does that now; i barely even notice it'

you were in town this weekend for a funeral
but even then, you seem happier now
doing nothing but surfing and playing music
in a sunnier nicer place
your eyes twinkled like the night we met
and i realized it had been a long time since they did that
you have a beard again
you can grow the best beard
goddamn i miss you
Lemon_Soda spattered_scarlet 091014
Jurisprudence Beautiful mornings when at the last minutes I think you've gone so far from me but then your arms reach to stop me and pull me close with murmurs
and soft snarls
unhinged we live closer again
every few months you make the trip
from portland

the last time
i was visibly sad
you sat next to me at dinner
smiling and chatting
while your current petulant art student girlfriend
sat on the other side of you
raking over her beet salad
probably imagining my face
while i couldn't help but notice
that she was a thinner more privledged version of me

you looked at me and said
'i just want you to be happy'
and i bit my cheek in frustration
while she glared at us sideways

(i realized after the fact that
she was the one you were dating
when i pressed my smile to yours
and told you i would have made you happy

wonder if you told her
the whole her hating me thing
is actually kinda justified isn't it?)
what's it to you?
who go