veggies god Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la . . . oh Call any vegetable Pick up your phone Think of a vegetable Lonely at home Call any vegetable And the chances are good Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you La-la-ah la-la . . . Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabay-y-y-y . . . No one will know If you don't want to let 'em know No one will know 'Less it's you that might tell 'em so Call and they'll come to you Smiling and covered with dew Vegetables dream, Vegetables dream, Vegetables dream, Of responding to you Standing there shiny and proud by your side Holding your joint while the neighbors decide Why is a vegetable something to hide? To hide! To hide! To hide! Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo . . . FZ: You know, a lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They, they think: What can I say? Some times they think: Where can I go? MARK: Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank? HOWARD: At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you can come this . . . MARK: Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my intercourse? HOWARD: At Bob and Ray's swahili restaurant, where you can come this close . . . MARK: Where can I go to get my jeans embroided in Fullerton? HOWARD: At Jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits MARK: Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood? HOWARD: Who gives a fuck anyway! MARK: Where can I go to get my speakers fixed? HOWARD: Hey . . . at Jack La . . . MARK: Where can I go to get my exit lights? HOWARD: At Jack LaLane Hamburgers on 312 Whittier Boulevard MARK: Where can I go to get my stomach pumped? Where can I go to colapse? HOWARD: Hey, De-due FZ: Questions, Questions, Questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Ah, but it's a great time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the theme of our program for tonight. It's so FUCKING GREAT to be alive! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who doesn't believe that it is FUCKING GREAT to be alive, I wish they would go now, because this show would bring them down so much . . . God bless America Land that I . . . Call any vegetable Call it by name You gotta call one today When you get off the train Call any vegetable And the chances are good OH! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you HOWARD: And if you're a consenting adult we want you to call today in Los Angeles, the number is Richmond 96135, in Downey it's 3478932 Call it direct, Call it collect, But call it today! 011021 ... mad carrion bird TOOL, track 69, (opening monologue before the seven or so minutes of crickets chirping that leads into the second monologue) And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!" Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus. 011022 what's it to you? who go blather from