if_infinity_was_also_in_history -{::EphemeralArcs::}- ::-:: I asked my dad this question tonight, because I wanted to know his reaction to the matter(not just his answer to the question): "Do you thinks it's better to try for your dream and fail, or succeed at something you dislike?" And he answered that: it's really a question of what the dream is. What is your dream?(can it be defined) When you're lying on your deathbed, everything you've gained doesn't matter except for relationships. The greatest thing you can have on your deathbed is someone there to hold your hands and love you. Otherwise it's just 'he with the most toys wins'. And he also talked about how life was giving to build those relationships. I was actually fairly amazed by my father's answer, as it was coming from someone who I initially took for granted, then learned to hate, then learned to love again (with caution to the moon). Because when the moon arises in him, he really isn't what his heart says. And his heart really is good, and is trying to be good and wholesome. And that's why I learned to love him again. and though I didn't agree with everything he said, I took everything from that but the moon. And I think that's what my father can teach me. I learned today also that freedom isn't the lack of restraint. That without bonds you're only free floating with nothing to pull or push against. I thought my freshman year of high school, that rebellion was a distortion to make the things you have to do into the things you want to do, and that freedom was only exercising your decision which was based off your desire. But just acting on desire traps you to those desires. Freedom can't exist without decision to weave it in reality, so it's the carefulness of your decision that makes your freedom.. and yet that doesn't really seem very free at all, because it still requires so much restraint. And I can't help but wonder if we're only restraining a part of ourselves that is rebelling. I read that morals are useless without experience to solidify their reality to you, and i partly agree with that, but nothing's useless, it's just not as useful. I guess what I really don't understand about life right now.. is .. that how ephemeral it can really be. We're all still living, we're all still breathing. I think what confuses us is what that means. Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. Maybe it means what it means to us. Maybe it's what it means to others. most possibly all those and more. The more you understand the deeper hole you can dig yourself into, while some can simply turn to face their dragon, complexity requires first unweaving what you weaved into deception. And sometimes I don't know which mirror is broken, or if I should even be looking into a mirror at all. It's like I only journey farther to reach the same point in history. 020525 ... frAnk "and i can't help but wonder if we are only restraining a part of ourselves that is rebelling." "nothing's useless. it's just not as useful." incredible revelations turned into words. this was an amazing post. thank you. 020525 what's it to you? who go blather from