cut_that_cord Ouroboros I tried for months, repeatedly, to cut the energetic cord between us, the one I knew was there, between my body and his. I visualized cutting it, burning it, pulling it out. And it never worked, it was never enough, and I would try again. But now I feel this peace, this release, and I read his blog to read that fianlly he had cut his cord with me. I guess it takes two to release an energetic bond. 070411 ... u24/ratm None of the above fuck it cut the cord. lights out, Guerilla Radio. turn that shit up.. 070411 ... unhinged cut_and_run i think you are more clueless than i wanted you to be. i gave you more credit than you deserved, among other things. 'you're a little bit of both kind of girl' yeah, i am. but only because in other cases i'm an all or nothing kind of girl. maybe it takes awhile, but if i keep giving you everything only to keep getting smacked in the face, eventually i'm going to want nothing to do with you. i know you didn't ask for it; i still can't help it. just giving it all away. to the people that give me nothing in return. i'm not talking about material things. they are of no consequence. i'm talking about noticing that i'm blue one day and just giving me a hug. a real hug, not some one-armed sideways bullshit. a hug doesn't count unless the hearts are pressed together. i'm talking about letting me get things off my mind without rudely and abruptly cutting me off because you don't want to hear about it. even just being friends is an all or nothing endeavor for me. and then to have that compounded by more intent desire and attraction that i feel like i can say nothing about. yes, you got all of it and i got next to nothing. and even now a voice in my head echoes 'that's unfair; don't be unfair.' but really, how unfair is it? that i was afraid to ask you for what i really needed from you, not only because of my past without you, but because of the things you said and did in the present. my heart is so fragile these days i have to keep it to myself. i'll give things away, but there are other things i keep to myself behind walls that i gave you too much credit of noticing. you don't know they are there. and you don't care to know either. my frustration comes from the fact that you don't even want to know even while i wouldn't want to tell you. even while i don't want to put the burden on you, it would be nice to know that i could. because to me that's what friends do, help each other carry things. not suck every tangible benefit out of someone with only a superficial giving in return. i don't know. this makes me feel like an ass. you make me feel like an ass. i just want to be myself crazy and all without feeling like that is a burden to you. that you love me for all of what i am, not just the parts that benefit you. 070412 ... unhinged 'that you love me for all of what i am, not just the parts that benefit you' that's probably asking too much of most people no_expectations 091021 what's it to you? who go blather from