existential_crisis jane kairos: preceded by a period of angst, withdrawal from the world. qualitative. nausea. misanthropic. disconnected. numbness. despair. helplessness. le_sigh 090217 ... unhinged brokenhearted broken_hearted heartbroken heart_broken heart_pang heart_pang pang sometimes life hurts more than its worth 090217 ... unhinged something is missing from my life it could be any number of things 090306 ... TCMT I am losing my mind. I am seriously losing my mind. And I just keep trying to figure out why but I just can't. I can't figure out what is driving me crazy. It seems like everything. I wonder if I have a psychological illness because that would make sense. But there is no reason that I should be losing my mind, but I am. I am losing my fucking mind. Oh well... 090307 ... unhinged doctors would tell you it's a chemical_imbalance and try to pump you full of zoloft. just_breathe let the exhale be twice as long as the inhale. for as long as you can stand to sit there, just_breathe. 090307 ... unhinged romance_is_dead work sucks my friends don't even bother to return my calls/texts/emails at least i'm paying off my credit card bills and have discovered the joys of compulsive cleaning and organizing 090424 ... epitome of incomprehensibility When this was in my vocabulary a lot, I feel like I gave it a more specific meaning than it was supposed to have: I thought it had to be a crisis about the nature of one's existence. And I started writing about mine on blather, circa 2005-06. It was on a page where there was a protracted argument for or against God's existence. I felt it needed my perspective, that I was raised Christian, which gave me a terrible fear of the concept of eternity. Relevant! But I felt it was important for me at least, because up until then I'd usually blathed silliness. Oh, and I was at my friend's place (friend - anne_girl, who introduced me to blather). This was before my parents had Internet at home. Anyway, I must have pressed something wrong because I went to a different page and I couldn't get back what I'd written. Then I thought, "Maybe this is for the best. Maybe there is a god, who knew it wasn't the time for me to write that." But I also complained to her about not being able to get back what I'd written. I told her what the page was about, and she said, "Oh, well, I don't know why they bother - people aren't going to agree on that." And we decided we were Christian agnostics for the moment. Or maybe that was just me. I don't know if that was before or after we watched Waking Life. That felt trippy, too, and also happened when we were 17. The best thing about being 17 is the trippy existential crises! But the fear of dying because I was afraid of living forever (don't laugh at me, past self begs - or maybe she likes me laughing at a previously taboo/scary topic, I don't know) was probably the worst at ages 12-14. Puberty (shakes head). Anyway, I like how I made this fit in with the recent page's blather_nostalgia vibe. Nostalgia: The Eternal Now! 200516 ... e_o_i (blather_nostalgia should link now) 200516 what's it to you? who go blather from