like rain. so many words fly at me all at once when i awaken to your beauty and am caught staring at you...

they rumble against my chest and leave me breathless, fumbling for more.
unhinged everytime i read or see anything about this horrible tragedy it brings tears to my eyes. i am glad that frAnk and fyn_gula and all their associates are okay seeing how that plane crashed 20 miles from their home. i was in my 19th century history class yesterday and my professor said something very interesting. he said he recalls exactly what he was doing on december 7, 1941 and when they dropped the first atomic bomb and when world war two ended and when jfk was shot. the impression this has left on my mind seems much the same. so many images burned in my brain. so many feelings that will be remembered forever. i am trying to keep going with my normal life and deal with the change this horrible tragedy has brought to me. i go to class and take notes and i practice my violin and i sit outside and bullshit and smoke cigarettes with all my friends. but the same topic keeps coming up; i need some time to mourn the death all around me. i promise i won't wallow in this sadness kevin, but just a little more time to get used to the fact that the world is much more intolerant than i would have ever liked to believe. just a little more time to get used to the fact that if it is a faceless mass on some other continent it doesn't affect people the way it should. just a little more time to love everyone that has drifted off into my past that i would want more than anything to hug right now. class and normal life calls. 010913
niki ditto unhinged 010913
devalis wordless
not uninspired, simply without voice
to put it to
empty is heavier
by far than full
and this weight is too much to carry more
mind stumbles
drops it all
vapidity flutters away
and beneath lie me
past i want to say so mcuh, but the feelings won't turn to words.

i'm waiting, excitedly, for when you get back.
what's it to you?
who go