we've_gotta_talk not saying What the hell is it with you? Look, for whatever reason I cause some sort of a serious internal conflict in you. I get that. You want me and wish you didn't. Or you don't want me and wish you did. Or you want me but feel guilty because you still want the other guy, too. Or you say you just don't want anybody at all and then - something. I don't know. I don't know. I've known you for years. We lost touch, but you're back. I'm glad to have you back. I've loved you for years, in every way from solid foundation love to hot lusty sweaty love, and everything in between. You seem to think I'm still stuck in hot and lusty, but I've had those same years to come to terms with a few things of my own. You come at me one day, all flirt, batting eyes, and talk of quality naked time, and you - YOU - suggest dinner and drinks and whatever tomorrow night, and then tomorrow cancel dinner and throw cold water and stiff arms at "loaded questions" that aren't even loaded. You want to just be friends? I can do that. You only want platonic flirting? I can do that. You want someone to just throw you down and beastfuck you? Fantastic. You want someone to go all moon eyed, cuddle, and dream of the future? I'm your guy. I can be any combination of any of that you want, but for fuck's sake I'm not a god_damned yo_yo. I'll be whatever you want, I'll play whatever game, but it has to be the same fucking game two days in a row. You wanted to know why we stopped talking. It's simple. I didn't. You got married and never returned a call. Sometime during the seven years I lost your number. I'm not the one who got us back together. You tracked me down and tap danced for six months about the reason. You suggest. You cancel. You want dinner. You postpone. You want me to come shopping, and then decide you're not going at all. You light the bowl while telling me how "affectionate" it makes you, and more or less dared me to get all hot and bothered with you. And I did, but only a little. OK, it was my choice to walk out before it went very far, but all of the rest of this - that's my reason. YOU. All of this, all about you. I'll be whatever you want, except yanked around. I'm done with that. Work out whatever it is that I bring up in you, please, and get back to me. I'll still be around. 100116 ... still not saying The problem is that this is all completely one sided. Always about you, never about me. I walk away, and you seek me out again, all through time and space, and you're like a goddamn drug to me, you know that? Of course you know that. You want something from me. You NEED something from me, or you wouldn't track me down again and again. What is it? What is it you want me to be? I want to be for you, please, but you have to tell me what. And it'd be nice if you'd be for me, too, at least some of the time. 100117 what's it to you? who go blather from