that_moment hoodrat that moment was so funny. you remember, don't you. when we went to the movie Cecil B. Demented. the scene in the porn shop. the movie Sticky Buns. how we looked at each other and laughed hysterically. it was like we had known each other for years (although it had only been a day). everything clicked. that is the most memorable moment i have of us. 010119 ... confabulation when everything becomes real. when you rrealize what you're doing and you beg whoever is listening to not let you go. I never want to feel that moment again. Twice is too many. 010711 ... rage when you looked at me for a little longer when you casually mover closer when you smiled a little when you know from now on, everything is going to change when you know your in danger, when you know you're taking a risk when you know you could very well fall when i catch your eye when the shivers run over me when i grab your hand under the blanket and no one else notices that moment is living 050626 ... Somebody that I used to know In that moment I realized I couldn't live without you. I paniced. I can't be that close to someone again. I can't. He promised the same things you always do. Of course. "I'll always love you." "I'll never leave you." "Forever." I know someday you will leave me. In one way or another; you will. And when you do, I wont be able to live, I'll die. Again. 060918 ... Chris aka i realized that you was not here for me, not to be there, or cormfort, or take care of the man you claimed you loved. I realized that if i was not there i could be replaced. And though i love you and i said i would always be there for you i must allow me to be replaced so that the fear of it happening doesn't dangle from my heart every day. So quit playing. Find another Andrew or another firend or good lover. Find another me. I hope you get it right this time. 061015 ... Christ without the cross Yeah. In this delicious moment my gaze returns to you. You may replace my position, but you could never replace what i have been to you. i could never replace what you have been to me. You still hide behind this fraud persona but i can see right through it to your soul. I was angry. I am angry now but my love will claw at this heart and tears it to shreds before i stop loving you. This is how it is. I can't fight it. So find another. I will still be here. 061016 ... Chris aka Soon someone may come. In thatr moment i will not forget you. 061016 ... Jordan The movie theater A private thing The public mingles in private spaces of love and friendship Enjoying a cheap art We sat The accidental ovements of arms The clash of continents The line of pearls How lovely that moment When we both knew Yet unsure we did not make contact and there i sat Then the second day Looking in eachother's eyes Gentley looking away I I I Love like love like Him, he, Andr.... and then it trails off because i ran in too fast and here i lay crashed In that moment i changed, i was exploded and reconstructed as if by transfusion through transition. Atoms collided and now i am new. I bless you for that moment 061017 ... grendel time hiccuped and_life_iself_held_still 061018 ... self correcting ... and_life_itself_held_still 061018 ... Chris aka i will rest. 061019 what's it to you? who go blather from