seeking sight you were right 040623
unhinged wrong in how i did it. sorry even for how i did it. but not sorry for what i did, said. i've developed this theory about us sitting up or more like laying up at night too much caffiene to let me rest. and my mind starts and won't stop. this theory that in some small part you are the way you were when you met someone no matter how much you change. we've all changed so much in the past five years. sometimes for the better, mostly for the worse. but no matter what happens, there'll always be a part of me that cares. cause that's how i was when i met you. a young naieve kid, way too open and giving. i was in the habit of giving unconditional love back then. oh, i'm so different now. more like you, keeping everyone at arms length. i keep walking now when the bums try to stop me on the street for money or a transfer to get on the bus. cause even well after there was nothing between us i was still having ominous dreams about you that woke me up and wouldn't let me rest. and goddamn, i was so fucking sick of you treating my friends like shit. you were beyond saving, but i had to try. i had to try one last time. tough love, truth hurts, all the cliches true. so yeah, i'm sorry for how i did it. i was wrong in that. but i'm not sorry for what i did. i needed to get it off my chest dear; all the years of pent up love that got neither of us nowhere. part of me will always care, i've come to find that undeniable. but i can walk_away now. cause god knows i tried. 040624
ungreat i thought i would never be able to really laugh about us, to remember and think thank god im saved. I thought i would remember your birthday and that my skin would crawl because i would just know. I thought i wouldn't care when you were with some one else. I was wrong about all these things. I laugh about our silly memories because those were good high times. I learned alot. I do thank god i'm not with you because i think you'd have fucked me up for life instead of just 4 months. I didnt remember your birthday, and my skin didnt feel like it was burning and i looked you up on myspace and i was happy you werent with any one. i was happy you were alone because i know you hate it. i will be very happy if you never get what you want because you'll never grow up. You're so sure you're going to die tomorrow that you think you'll live forever. Happy belated i still don't hate you but i still dont ever want to see you again, not in my nightmares and especially not in my dreams. Wait i was wrong if in my dreams you play a bum that is totally acceptable. 080220
what's it to you?
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