discernment Q May I have: wisdom to accept what I cannot change; courage to change what I can; and discernment to know the difference. 050408 ... eaxdl In my 20's I learned that I didn't have to take every drug or drink I was offered. It was a slow process but not as slow as the process of learning that I don't have to date everyone who wants to date me. Growing up, I would listen to my mom's story of how she ended up with, and stayed with my dad. He was charming and she had low self-esteem. She was flattered that he liked her and figured she couldn't do much better. Even at a young age, it seemed like such a sad story, but it took a long time for me to recognize myself in the story. It's not the whole story, though. Now that I'm older I'm totally unwilling to deal with any abusive partners or people who just cannot manage their lives. (Phew!) So now it's more a struggle of being straightforward and figuring out what I want. What this looks like: 1) The other person is really straightforward about their interest in me. Due to whatever dysfunction, I don't begin pursuit or recognize subtle signals of flirting, so this is the only way it can start. 2) I am excited. Happy excited, panicked excited. I start to wonder what it means, what I want to happen, what is possible given the rest of my life. 3) I start wringing my hands about the potential positives and negatives. Now that I've eliminated the possibility of total assholes, I ponder more subtle questions. "I feel a strong connection, but I think there are aspects of his personality that would drive me nuts over time, and maybe it would be easier to stop it before it starts." "I enjoy spending time with him, but I'm not physically attracted to him." Really, first world dating problems I realize I am lucky to have. Nevertheless, I drive myself insane. If there's an indication that I should man up and tell them I don't think it's a good idea, I get filled with dread. I don't want to hurt them or have the uncomfortable conversation, even though I logically realize it is the kind and stand-up thing to do, ultimately. I get mad at myself for being so cowardly, and yet I still hope the situation will just resolve itself. Luckily, it sometimes does. What a lucky jerk I am. 140123 ... unhinged awareness + chosing = hey i dont argue about feelings that never did anyone any good hollywood lied to us all relationships dont just happen you dont just find the perfect person abandon_expectation 140124 ... xeedle gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em 140125 what's it to you? who go blather from