a_morbid_sense_of_powerpoints epitome of incomprehensibility (Content warning upfront: atomic bombs, the Holocaust.) I emailed raze back in August and rambled about World War 2 for several paragraphs. Too_much_war; probably annoying; I'm sorry. I usually tutor English, but my student V. was doing a grade 12 social science course, 20th Century World History. (Quebec doesn't have grade 12, but she's doing an online school program from another province). It went more in depth than the one I took in grade 11, and had some demanding mini-essays. We spent a few days wrestling with an essay on the ethics of the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. How could there be an ethics of that? Well, the alternative, a ground invasion, might have killed more people. Fewer civilians, though? But would the destruction-bent military leaders force them to fight? Imperial Japan wasn't exactly nice to its own people, let alone others (e.g. the Nanjing Massacre, another thing you might not want to research). How aware was the U.S. of the long-term health effects of radiation? How much warning did they give the Japanese? How much warning could they give for a weapon that had never been used before? Or, if motivation counts for anything, was it partly in revenge for Pearl Harbor? 2,500 dead in a surprise attack is horrible, but for comparison, 9/11 was closer to 3,000. And the atomic bombs, more than a tenth of a million (not all at once). V.'s conclusion was that it made most sense to Americans at the time, and as a positive aftereffect most people went "Hmm, better not use nukes again" (though they threatened each other often enough, e.g. in the Cold War). Anyway, the thing troubled me off and on for days. I was going to pour tea and I thought, unbidden, "Two nuclear bombs were dropped on cities. That was real." I froze for a second, then thought "but tea is also real" and poured it. It was that day or after that I wrote to raze. It was bothering me that things from the student's course were bothering me. But I also was interested in how my family connected to this history. Grandpa (my mother's father) fought in the war and was part of the liberation of Holland near the end, which Canadian troops played a big part in (here's The Canadian Encyclopedia showing off about it: https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/liberation-of-holland). He went there for a veteran's event 50 years later. He also wrote a goofy, sing-songy poem about being in the war. This was published in a vanity press with others' poetry - those who paid to get the book were published, basically. It had a purple cover, if I remember right. I can't find it. I'm upset about that. I hope Dad didn't throw it out in one of his lean-mean-cleanuppy phases. Anyway, I was reminiscing and wondering why I didn't think to learn more from him. The usual regrets - he died in 2002. And weirdly, he seemed to enjoy talking about the war, or at least reciting his silly poem. In fact it seems he came out of the war better off, his confidence boosted by being able to fix various machines and vehicles (the parents speculated that this talent kept him out of the worst of the fighting, since he was needed for fixing stuff - I don't know). He went from there to do a degree in mechanical engineering, get a relevant job, get married, etc. Anyway, I wrapped up this blob of writing by mentioning that V.'s next project was on the Holocaust and at least there wouldn't be any moral dilemmas as to the badness of it. Then I wondered, because it had just occurred to me, "I hope L.'s family wasn't anywhere near that..." Explain, explain: her mother's background is Jewish from central Europe, thus the Yiddish in dream_intertextuality. The side she shares with me - hello, Grandpa and grandmother-I-never-knew! - is Scottish. Through and through, afaik, though the closest Scots thing (Scots English, not Gaelic) my mom says is HER mother's "sit ye doon." Sitting seems to bring out the old languages. L's mom told her once to "sit like a mensch." SIT LIKE A PERSON! Okay, so now I'm being lighthearted to distract from other things. But it's weird: why was this the first time I wondered if any of my cousin's relatives had died because of this??? Maybe L. had mentioned something and I'd forgotten, or maybe I'd just thought it too remote to worry about. Clearly her maternal grandparents were in Canada (had been; they're both dead now). But their parents? other relatives in those generations? I went to bed, slept well enough. For the next week and a bit (V. and I had three classes a week) I helped her with her PowerPoint, which was the form of the assignment. I was relieved at first - not another essay! A PowerPoint! I've done those before! I can advise! The problem was the project dragged on, because she hardly worked on it at home. Usually she'd do at least one or two paragraphs of writing and then we'd go over it, but this time she'd show up to class with nothing done from the last class, or maybe just a slide or two. The thing is, maybe it didn't have much to do with the content. Maybe it's just that I was too picky with her at the beginning, getting her to align the images and text, and then she didn't feel confident enough to do it on her own. I hope not. But maybe she also didn't want to look up that stuff when she was alone. I hope she didn't feel like that either. The idea was to trace the main events of the Holocaust from when the Nazis took power to the war's end. At first there wasn't widespread murder, but still the set-up: Jews were barred from citizenship, their businesses taken away, etc., and "racial classifications" instituted that seem pretty reminiscent of anti-black racism in the Americas. Of course, the timeline gets worse and worse until near the end of the war. I don't want to go through it all, and it's late, but here are three things I didn't know: 1) The first group killed en masse were physically and mentally disabled people (more than a hundred thousand). Oh, and don't let conservative Christians pretend that euthanasia with consent is THAT. Euthanasia was obviously the cover story. And then these killings served as a model for the larger concentration camps. 2) The word "holocaust" isn't new, and it was used before to mean the deaths of many people, as it is still in some expressions - e.g. "nuclear holocaust." I knew that. But I didn't know that only in the 1960s did this start to become the standard term for the Nazis' plan to destroy Jewish Europeans and other minorities. 3) That leads to the issue of how many people died, which leads to the "who's counted" issue. One of the controversies is whether to count as part of the Holocaust's death toll the Slavic people who were killed, since the intent wasn't necessarily to kill them all, though they were considered inferior to "Aryans." The 6 million figure I learned in grade 4 or 5 is still considered accurate - for the number of Jews killed (the Hebrew word is Shoah). And this is at least 2/3 of all the Jews in Europe at that time. If you include the Slavic people it goes up to around 11 million. And if you stick to a narrower definition, people still usually include the Roma people, disabled people, and gay men. Okay, here it says 17 million (!) counting political prisoners: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_the_Holocaust - but again, this is disputed. In any case, Jewish people were the main group targeted, though not the only ones. I think it's useful to recognize both those things at once, even if it's hard to agree on exact boundaries and definitions. Gah, I should get to sleep. Remind me to finish the story, which goes back to me and my mundane doings (crying; arguing with brother; talking to cousin; working on a novel). 191029 ... e_o_i *sigh* Yes, this wasn't the most cheerful story to start, but I'm going to finish, dammit. 200108 ... e_o_i So. For four or five days, stretched over a week and a half, I was working with V. on her project. We chose a simple black/white/red/beige colour scheme, with some different layouts so not all the slides looked the same. V. found it easiest to import a previous sample, a set of slides that was an ad for Google Translate. We'd delete the ad stuff and keep the formatting. And we ran into a picture of a smiling man saying how great Google Translate had been for his business - right when V. was making slides about the concentration/death camps. The incongruity struck us both. She said, in a commercial voice-over voice, "The Holocaust: now with Google Translate!" and I felt bad for laughing. But then I thought, No, laughing is a pretty normal way to respond to stress. It doesn't mean either of us think the torture and murders are funny. It was a relief to get to the part where the those places were liberated. And yes, many people not in the camps died of starvation or were shot...and some of the smaller death camps were destroyed by the Nazis themselves...but the freeing of survivors was a strong symbol of the end of that particular tyranny. We had a slide just for Auschwitz, since it was the largest, and it was a relief to be like, "Okay, that's the end of YOU" (not that the place itself was destroyed; there's a museum there now.) Then there was the issue of how to end it. The assignment instructions said to go from the beginning of Nazi Germany to the end of the European part of the war, so we didn't have to cover the Nuremberg trials. But it felt fitting to have something about remembrance, so the last slide had points on that. E.g. January 27 is International Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's set on the date Auschwitz was liberated in 1945. (This year will be the 75th anniversary.) And then I realized we hadn't written how many people were killed, so we'd better put a number there, right? While V. was waiting, I googled "number holocaust deaths" and ran into the controversy I mentioned in the first post. V. was eager to finish the project before the end of class so she could submit it. And she was doing nothing while I was skimming articles. I didn't like to keep her waiting and explained, "This one says 6 million and this one 11 million, so I'm not sure which to go with. And there's not enough space to explain how the different numbers came about." I looked at the info a bit more and decided, Okay, 11 million. Done. (Why didn't I let V. decide? Because I remember *I* decided. Also it seems really callous. Millions of people died and I'm all, "But the number. I need a SINGLE, CLEAR NUMBER for a point on a PowerPoint, dammit.") ... Of course, the "official" death toll isn't the only controversy. Today I thought of searching the hashtag #neverforget on Twitter to see if it was still associated with 9/11 and the Auschwitz museum account was using it too. "Never forget" seems to be used for a lot of things; "never again" is more strongly associated with, well, you know. So yes. Other issues: -Here is an article from Haaretz on January 2, saying that the Polish government is emphasizing the non-Jewish Poles that were victims while minimizing Polish antisemitism at the time: https://www.haaretz.com/amp/jewish/MAGAZINE-auschwitz-nazis-germany-poland-rewriting-holocaust-jews-israel-ignoring-1.8320961 -As for Israel, there's the issue of people using the Holocaust to justify settling the place, even when it means kicking out Palestinians. But this is a tricky topic. On one hand, it makes sense to have a Jewish-majority country in the land where many of them lived (not just in Biblical times but throughout the centuries, e.g. during the Ottoman empire), but on the other hand that shouldn't mean oppressing other people who in many cases have a more immediate claim to the land. And I don't think that the idea of Israel is bad, but the modern state has a lot of problems. It's tied up with colonialism (at one point the British promised the exact same land to Jewish and Arab groups) and the Cold War (when the U.S. supported Israel, the Soviets supported Palestine). Plus the longtime Netanyahu government (what's up with it now? the latest Israeli election was confusing) was Trumpish or at least Stephen Harperish. Also it could seem disrespectful to the victims, not all of whom were Zionists. It did seem a bit...morbid? that's not the right word...when someone at work was telling me how her Jewish youth group took people on a trip to former concentration camps and then to Israel, to set this up as an emotional arc from grief to triumph when it's not that simple. (Wendy Brown wrote an article related to this, but it's an academic one and might be behind a paywall.) It sounds too Christian, that's what! The whole martyr thing. (Okay, first preventing_christianity_in_your_children yesterday and now this - I don't mean to sound like I dislike Christians in general. It just seems easier to criticize your own kind, sort of.) 200108 ... gja Thank you for that blathe eoi. Its beautiful. Scales from minutiae to massive with a rhythm that if intended is masterful or if accidental is a product of your well considered prose. Leaves me thinking: Whats Vs real name? Why did I go to Dachau? - where the sign above the prisoners gates reads "work will set you free". Not all the Nazis (auto corrected capitalisation) were ideologues? Every victim was a person, is the total number relevant? If this evil regime killed just one would it be any better or worse? How do we stop this happening again -the buds of this abominable behaviour are beginning to bloom? Is the current conflict in Palestine still a product of the way it was borne? Will we ever move on? Can we? Should we? When Ove Knausgård named his wandering story Min Kemp was he being regardless or taking back the title - relieving it of its burden? And should we do that with the concept of Holocaust? Deny it life. Re-purpose it. Wash ourselves. 200110 ... e_o_i Thanks gja for your kind words and thoughtful questions! Honestly, I wasn't planning an overall structure or rhythm - I felt like I kept getting sidetracked and I haven't even written the last narrative part yet. For the questions - except for the first, I know they're not necessarily there for me to answer, but they were interesting: -Whats Vs real name? I'm hesitant to give details about students, but her first name seems OK to share. It's Victoria - (ironically?) resonant with the war theme. -Why did I go to Dachau? A classmate from my MA program (not the one I hit in the face) went there when he visited Munich, at least if the trip turned out how he'd planned. He said, "I don't want to go there the same day I go to Oktoberfest, that would seem disrespectful." At the time I filed it with "funny things my classmates say" but it's more like "things that make sense but sound strange to say aloud." I haven't even gone to the Montreal Holocaust Museum. My aunt who lives here (the Jewish one, since this is relevant; my other aunt is The Ontario Christian One) asked a few years ago if I'd ever been there. She volunteers for a lot of events and places; I don't know if that was one of them. But if her father's family hadn't escaped Poland, she likely wouldn't exist...though, mind you, if there hadn't been any reason to escape, her parents probably wouldn't have met... In conclusion, Back to the Future is a weird movie. -Not all the Nazis (auto corrected capitalisation) were ideologues? It would seem to me so, even if you don't count those few who did heroic things, like John Rabe in China. -Every victim was a person, is the total number relevant? If this evil regime killed just one would it be any better or worse? Good point. I hadn't considered it from that angle. The total number isn't nothing, but don't think it's the main thing. One reason is that it could lead to debates about "which genocide/oppression/etc is worse" and then divide people who could collaborate in resisting hatred. Not my idea. From an article by Peter Nyers I read in 2011 but I'm sure it's older. I think the key term is intersectional memory. Besides, deciding "who to include" isn't simple even in this case, so how hard is it where there are more uncertain records, like the mass killings of indigenous people and the horrors of the African slave trade that went on for centuries?? -How do we stop this happening again -the buds of this abominable behaviour are beginning to bloom? I wish I knew. I think avoiding wars wherever possible would help prevent such a thing. And education. And environmental justice, so people have enough water and food. For what it's worth, my boyfriend (whom I claim is insightful) thinks there's unlikely to be a genocide against Muslims in the near future. But he qualified this by saying "not on the same scale." And as you pointed out, even one person is too many. Is the current conflict in Palestine still a product of the way it was borne? (I don't know enough to write more about this.) -Will we ever move on? Can we? Should we? Maybe as a person might move on from the death of someone they know, not forgetting them but keeping the larger picture of life in mind. -When Ove Knausgård named his wandering story Min Kemp was he being regardless or taking back the title - relieving it of its burden? (Interesting. I didn't realize the connection as I'd only heard the title in English. I think someone who read the books could answer this better.) (And I'll end today's post with your last words without trying to answer them.) -And should we do that with the concept of Holocaust? Deny it life. Re-purpose it. Wash ourselves. 200113 ... e_o_i Correction: the "article" was the first chapter of the book Multidirectional_Memory by Michael Rothberg, published 2009. And I still didn't finish the story I set out to tell! August 29, 2019. My brother's 29th birthday. My cousin was coming over that evening. I didn't have admin work that day, only Victoria's tutoring class from 10-12, and so I found myself plodding home from the bus stop in unaccustomed sunlight, looking at the sidewalk and feeling vaguely unhappy. One reason was because Claire, the admin assistant, was moving, and my boss wanted me to pick up the slack while they found a new full-timer for that spot. He hadn't even wanted me to take an overdue vacation the first week of September. Another was Victoria's PowerPoint project, which we'd just finished. It wasn't actually her last WW2-based assignment: there'd be another short essay on how the war influenced technology (jet planes and such). By the time I reached the living room, I felt more worn out than two hours of work would justify. Mom was sitting in the rocking chair. I suppose I said something like "I don't feel well" (for years I'd say that if I felt emotionally upset; its vagueness often irritated my parents). Anyway, she asked me what was wrong and at first I couldn't think of what to say, not quite knowing myself. Then I remembered one of the photos Victoria had used for the first slide. She'd arranged four photos on each corner of the middle title box, the ones I'd fussily adjusted. It was a picture from one of the concentration camps after the Allies had captured it. Two men were standing looking at a heap of shoes, which seemed to be piled against a wall. I don't know exactly where or when it was taken. I tried searching for it months afterwards, but I found too many similar ones to sift through. When I thought of this photo, it was like I'd found something to pin my vague sadness on, and I was able to talk more clearly. But, to my surprise, I started to cry, saying that many of the shoes looked small, that so many children had been killed, that it wasn't fair... I went to Mom and hugged her like I was a child myself, crying about things not being fair. Then my brother came into the room. Hearing what I was saying, he sniffed. Everyone knew about the Holocaust already! Why wasn't I upset about the Bengal famine, where Churchill's policies caused nearly a million children to starve to death? "I don't want to think about children starving to death!" I sobbed. Mom: "Uh, [brother's name], maybe this isn't the time." Afterwards, I'd find his reaction darkly amusing ('cry about less mainstream tragedies, dammit!'). When I stopped crying after a minute or so, noting that it seemed weird to weep about things that had nothing to do with me, my mom, comforting, said it was a normal human reaction. Something like that. So, on further (over)analysis, I wondered she regarded this as some sort of emotional breakthrough. Like, "Oh good, Kirsten has developed empathy at last!" Because when I was cruel to her in years past, she'd wonder if I was emotionally stunted somehow. Perhaps it's worse to realize that people can be empathetic and still cruel? As for crying, I remember wishing I could cry after the January 29, 2017 terrorist attack. So it's likely the photo reminded me of another picture where shoes represented people killed due to racism. (Poor shoes, holding all that symbolic weight). It was a shelf or a tray of them in the Quebec City mosque after the shooting. I wrote about this in Christian_Martyr. But my memory of the picture is even fuzzier, because it might have been a video or even a verbal description instead. Multidirectional_memory, but a memory of a memory. ... But there was still the issue of personal connections making things feel too close. Quebec City a couple of years ago was close; Europe seventy-odd years ago far, but suppose my cousin's great-grandparents...? I didn't dare broach the topic with Lia at my brother's birthday party, especially since she'd just broken up with her boyfriend (they got back together later, then broke up again). But after our celebration of Lia's birthday/Thanksgiving in early October, I was standing with her at the bus stop, waiting to see her off on the 204. The streetlight was orange on the sidewalk squares as I asked, hesitantly, "Was your mother's family, uh, always in Canada?" as if they could have sprung up from the ground. No, her bubbe (grandma) was born in Montreal and her zeyde (grandpa) in Poland. Oh. Poland... But he had to leave when he was young. To escape the war. And I said I'd kind of worried about that, I mean whether any of her relatives died in it. She shook her head. No direct ancestors - not her great-grandparents, anyway. They fled the country with her grandfather Harry, who was a child then, a few years younger than Grandpa. Then the conversation turned to Harry growing up to be a grumpy sort who feuded with people, and the effect that this had on her mother and aunt. But that's another story. One part still isn't clear to me: Germany took over western Poland pretty quickly, so it seems it would've been hard to get out. Perhaps Lia meant that her zeyde's family left before the war started, but that wouldn't go with the wording about escaping, unless she meant they WOULD have been killed if they'd stayed during the war. (Most likely. About 9/10ths of Poland's Jewish population was killed.) And I'd remembered hearing something before about some part of her family escaping Nazi Germany, though I'd taken that to mean they were from Germany itself. My journal says: "In one recent [2020] Gazette obituary, it was mentioned that the woman who died was one of the few Jewish Polish refugees able to get to Canada (and/or accepted in Canada) at this time... I suppose I could ask Debra F. about her father, but it'd be awkward to do so out of the blue, perhaps..." And it still is; I'd rather save those sorts of conversations for when we can meet in person, when this prickly virus has sheathed its spikes, or whatever it does. I could also make connections to the novel...nightmares...2012...but for now, the story I meant to tell is done. 211230 what's it to you? who go blather from