false_awakenings jane i had another one the other night - became lucid, tried to float - frustration when i thought i woke up - but really i woke up into another dream 040603 ... notme earlier this week i woke up and noticed it was still dark out when it should be light. i got up from my floorbed and opened my bedroom door, looked out into the hallway, and couldn't believe everything was so unbelievably black. knowing it had to be light out already, i figured something was up. i went back to bed, fell into a weird heavy freezingscreen pausemode and then woke up again to darkness, but this time there was a glowing ghostlikething hovering above me when i opened my eyes. i jumped up at it, pushing and swiping the air as though it was sand and the ghostthing was an imprint or mandala i was trying to erase. i was frightened by it and was trying to make it leave me alone. it was like a cloud i was attempting to disperse. when i woke up for real the day i met was a quiet and slightly sunny afternoon and the dreamghost i had fought with was gone. 040603 ... notme darn that was difficult to describe 040603 ... jane we_wake_to_find_ourselves_locked_in_a_dream 070626 ... unhinged there is only one kind of love that creates happiness; cultivate_compassion all other emotions, even most forms of love, create pain and attachment. all emotions are pain. if the love is not pervasive, all consuming, radiant light; if there is a fixed object of love it will decay like everything else into pain. everything has a beginning middle and end. even love. especially romantic love. the pain of seeing love used and knowing it's not enough. when is love ever enough? love is a false awakening. a glimpse of light pale in comparison to the true power of the human heart that most of us are fooled into thinking is the highest virtue we can aspire to. i think that once again language fails us. often i have read debates about translation issues when pali and sanskrit and tibetan are translated into english. i have a strong and sneaking suspicion in my heart that many of these things have been incorrectly translated over the years to fit into the western conception which i see being addressed more and more. that a single pali or sanskrit character cannot be translated into a single english word. that these are concepts foreign to a western world that values the ego and materialism. that buddhism has been bastardized for us. people are trying to fix this now though. i am glad for this. anyways, i have become quite intimate with the idea of love as pain in the past six months. the delusion of believing love to be a virtuous emotion. it is a profound and disturbing revelation for me; being a libra that used to put so much stock and faith in love. love is the answer to anger; just another side of the dualistic coin. duality only distracts us from true happiness. the_enlightenment_of_pain 070626 ... his sig one_kind_mess_age 110212 what's it to you? who go blather from