the_lead_role_in_a_cage continuous ache you don't believe in unconditional love it's an unfathomable concept for you you think i should just feel the same take the love i give and throw it all away tear it into pieces to scatter to the winds then kiss away the torrent of tears let all your fears and aches come tumbling out this is how indignation begins one thin smile at a time and when i cry, i can almost hear the wind sigh through me this nearly hollow shell that used to be so full of fire the higher i get with you, the faster i fall and i wonder if you see it at all or if you're too busy crafting me in your image one beautiful contradiction after another i might never recover from this my soul is being ripped seven ways to sunday and all you can think to tell me -don't ever need anyone else the world will let you down don't you ask for help- and i felt the coldness creeping in torn between the love you cannot break and the oblivion of hate this is the chaos you've created and these steel words that i'm absorbing are all said as you embrace me you have 10,000 different faces and you're handing me a mask. 020331 ... Beyond Repair you went to the ledges yesterday. took the dog with you. she ended up on the other side of the quarry, so you called her figuring she would circle around and find you again. instead she jumped off the quarry, swimming that cavernous body of water to reach you on the other side. you said you were hysterical, didn't think she would make it. you were just about to jump in to save her. and after you told me the story you commented that that was the reason you liked dogs so much... they would risk their lives just to get to their master. complete and total loyalty. is that why i'm still around? is that why you couldn't let the last poor girl go either? you like to control me. you like seeing that obedient look cross my face. where you see obedience, i feel love. you don't even recognize it, do you? to you, i am another thing you own. something that can easily be discarded should i become boring or disloyal. and what if i just become weary of being kicked for no logical reason and run away? what if i run away? i'm sure you'd only say i obviously wasn't a very good dog then, wouldn't you? 020419 what's it to you? who go blather from