spotting flowerock. Freaking out over watery fresh blood from my lady_flower (I had to say lady flower, if I don't make myself laugh when I'm alone, who will!?!?!) Could just be a thing that happens, could be a baby being planted or a cyst or endometriosis, who knows!? It's pretty early for a period to come but I couldn't sleep at all last night which is common before periods for me. According my hand menstrual app my fertile window just began. It's only been about two weeks since my last period ended. Is it because I stopped having weed before bed about 4 days ago? Or because I cut my finger and it was bad enough that it still hurts and the nail came off a little? Am I just freaking out over a sort of normal thing? I've taken hormonal bc and had abortions and am often paranoid that something got messed up in those procedures. I've had cycts before, but they were hormonal and seemed to pass just fine... My mom had cysts surgically removed. Just expressing my paranoid and panic here where it can be ignored or calmly related or responded to as opposed to other social media where it seems people meet my panic and agree that I might be dieing ect... I just want to type about, express, vent, record... I'm ok besides my emotions... I'll be fine. Thanks for listening little white box. 160831 ... Soma bleeding makes me stressed stressing makes me bleed vicious_cycle 160901 ... flowerock. I sometimes make unlikely and broad connections between things in life. On the day I experienced this spotting, pain, and panic a woman died. I really didn't know her well but I had been reading the ongoing search and concern for her through her Facebook. It was a confusing and intense thread of text to witness and it made me feel intensely, with worry for her and how it was affecting her baby and partner, seeing her friends and family panic and try to help, all through social media. It felt a little obscene to be apart of when I only knew her from community bike rides, but there were posts from her expressing fear and asking for help, everyone tried to do what they thought they could. I don't know exactly what happened to her. It feels unfair, she has a baby boy and a partner left without her now. I can't imagine how that feels. My loos connections, likely my blood and panic was unrelated, but what a coincidence even so. My life is mostly unchanged, but it is still very heavy to imagine it all and know that someone I've shared space with at all is forever gone. 160902 what's it to you? who go blather from