i_wonder_why kx21 I wonder why. I wonder why. I wonder why I wonder. I wonder WHY I wonder why I wonder why I wonder! Richard Feynman. 020501 ... kx21 A Variation:- I wonder why. I wonder WHY NOT. I wonder WHY NOT I wonder why I wonder why I wonder! I wonder why I wonder WHY NOT I wonder WHY NOT I wonder! kx21 020501 ... hey now! and you wonder why im afraid to share things with you... 030819 ... x i wonder why it made me feel better just to tell you that i feel bad i knew it wouldn't change anything, nor did i specifically want something to change 030820 ... Mahayana im not good enough as i am 030820 ... unhinged it was so easy for you to walk away i guess that's an assumption, but you were filled with them. and maybe it is a childish defect of my personality, maybe the way i was raised...'don't hit someone unless they hit you first.' i.e. 'don't hurt someone unless they hurt you first.' the other part of that lesson that could have been mutually exclusive but i always thought was integral was 'and if they punish you for it, that is okay. you have every right to defend yourself.' an eye for an eye yesterday a nigerian boy stopped me on campus for over an hour lecturing me about how god was black and africans are the true israelites (most of his rhetoric i politely listened to while silmutaneously dismissing it; i should know better than to wear my cross around here) and while he preached about the evils of whites and america (he had originally thought that i was hispanic and so also fell under the category of 'oppressed by the white man') he said some resonant things. equality among them. respect for women. knowledge of personal history. he told me that he thought i was a strong person. he held much stock in the looks of people. he had judged my personality by how i looked. as i walked away it came 'be true to yourself.' equality does not mean to roll over and play dead; equality does not mean to turn the other cheek. it means equal (obviously). it is not always a positive thing. if you judge me, assume me, hurt me i will treat you EQUALLY in return. the rhetoric my father imparted on me is decidely old testament i think. and when i say i am not christian it is because fundamentally i am not. i wonder why i expect people to be open-minded towards me. i guess it's because i try to be. until the first transgression. i can admit when i am wrong. i wonder why people think that i can't/won't. i guess it's because strong personalities conflict. i wonder why my father is so judgemental. i think i know why, but i still wonder. i wonder why i can't forgive him. even when i love him still, miss him always, i can't forgive him. 'if someone hurts you, then you are allowed to hurt them back.' maybe not the best philosophy for life, but i find that it can be more satisfying. 030820 ... TheInventionsOfAKnigh lol! I like those first poems! It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland... "Do Cats Eat bats?? Do bats Eat Cats??" As Alice could not answer either question it didn't really matter which way she put it.... 030820 ... rage i wonder why this life chose me i wonder why i chose to live it this way i wonder why it wont stop i wonder what happens when it hits the bottom 050526 what's it to you? who go blather from