freak_of_the_week Enter into the unknown and
stumble toward the shiny things.
Bump into the sharp things
no sense no brainpower.
Staring blankly at the amazing and all powerful void. Wonder into a land of black trees, streets, cars, air...

and sudenly the lights come on the colors come flooding back like some twisted paint waterfall, all time has been lost...
Nana In the land of fairies cleverness will get you far. We all occasionally do stupid things. 010824
unhinged i'm so scared that i'm having a hard time breathing. i don't want to spend two years there without you. i can't. i just can't. i could barely spend two years there with you. when i was a child i would have to fall asleep with the closet door shut so nothing could jump out at me from the darkness. for the first time in my life i really have nothing to write that can help me. i used to come here and write and say things in exact ways and it helped me get away from all the echoing inside my head. there_is_nothing_here ; not a thing to explain this. i am so terrified of myself that i would rather sit here worrying about my credit card bills and playing cribbage with my father and all those other mindless things that make me forget why i can't stand to be in the same room with my mind. yes, there will be the critics that read this and say 'oh god...just another pathetic whiner of blather bitching and bitching and bitching and not doing a goddamn thing' fuck you. if i had the money i could fix this. i could move away from all of their incessant bullshit. i could hire a real shrink to help me empower myself; i could do a million things if i had the fucking money. right. *smirk*

have you ever reflected on something so horrible that it made you cry? i saw a color photograph in the art museum in milwaukee from vietnam and i can still see it in my mind. when i first saw the picture, i thought that it was so horrible that i had to remember it forever and i sat in front of it for a good minute longer then everything else i was casually strolling by and engraved it in my mind. i still remember part of a paraphrase of the caption that went with it. something about how after vietnam they didn't let photographers on battlefields because they were getting hurt too. the faces of war are horrible things to see in color photographs.
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