numbness
Joana. Transporting me rapidly
Through some bleak passage
This car moves as if it hovered in the air
And it does not succumb to the beauty of these trees
Nor to this setting sun
That slowly collapses behind the mountains
Hiding in shame from the stillness of this
Looking through an isolating window
I see a strange ascending smoke
And it repeats itself throughout the whole of this landscape
As this transport drives me above the wooden bridge
The multifarious smoke becomes clearer
And as I look closer
The smoke turns into millions of insects
The kind that I would kill so irrationally
And they all dance around each other
As if hypnotised by their own kind
Entangling their delicate wings
Around a thin pine tree
And evoking the trance in which they've lost themselves
Like chained nocturne ballerinas
Yet suddenly a stronger wind blows
Washing them away from the tree
And breaking them from each other's glances
Their vulnerable bodies flapping
Submissive to the blowing
They remind me of the way things have become
And how I did not prevent them from happening
How I didn't notice what would revolve around me
As I was too busy finding my way out of numbness.
001009
...
Xipe Totec in relation to comfort 001010
...
Elzbieta "And he knows
a light won't stay lit
The lion's flown the nest
for his love is gone that
he gave her
There's always one droplet
but you forget I'm not your daughter
nor will I wear your mother's dress
So it is
Take a fuel gun
Take a fuel gun
Thought a war would be much more fun
than this numbness"

This night. I'm overwhelmed with numbness.
020904
...
kat I feel numb
How
Could I
Have believed you
Last night, sitting there
Staring at my fingers
Listening to you talk,
Tell me your new revelations
My shoulders start tensing
I felt like I was inching, slowly
Into the fetal position
With one hand over my eyes
And one hand covering my heart
Like one hand would keep it from breaking
All that newfound vulnerability
Slipped away at your words
All of your external safety
The falseness of it
The transparency
It burned up, with fire hot like tears
In both of our eyes
You did what everyone said you would
I was wrong about you, I guess I was wrong
And maybe thatís what hurts most?
I was wrong about you
And they were right about you
And you did all the things they said
But no, thatís not all that hurts
It just hurts to be hurt
When you feel so safe
ďItís not like I didnít know this could happenĒ
I guess its true, you make me feel.
040309
...
stork daddy i'm just not feelin this blathe. 040309
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from