complicatedly_precious Mahayana 'my everything' is [complicatedly precious] 020328 ... blown cherry impingining on gollums name prrrreessssccioouuussssssssssssss so much wrapped up in one little, precious word. 020328 ... unhinged it's been three years. three years ago today she died. i miss her terribly. when i was in elementary school she bought me porcelain dolls...one for my birthday, one for christmas, until i had a nice collection of them. i looked at his face and he reminded me of my dolls. glass eyes hiding what was underneath, long carefully placed eyelashes that brushed the brow bone, and the twin brother and sister dressed in blue velvet, if they had teeth, would have crooked teeth just like him. their bodies were soft when you squeezed them, but their heads were heavy. i could never forget the way he stared at me; i looked away at first knowing that he would find what he saw in the mirror everyday, quickly. you don't forget familiar rings and absuses and escapes. and i wish right now that i could talk to him, sit with him, maybe not even say a word. we understood each other me and frank because we were the same person in different bodies. the same pain, the same self_hatred, self_disgust, the same passion even. we_never_change. i found him so complicatedly completely precious. someday before i leave i will tell him. 020328 ... distorted tendencies My own fragility. Please don't infringe upon it anymore.. I would beg you.. But I'm too scared. 020329 ... Syrope the inner twists and tunnels in my soul, where i'm afraid to retreat to anymore because i don't know when then end, where they go, or what my presence will do to them...i don't want to destroy them. when i was younger i went there to play when i was sad, when i was hurt and confused, when i didn't know why things were happening the way they were... it's like a huge tangled mass of yarn, laced with hidden secrets, tucked where no one has ever gone. i opened a part once for him, and he went in, and he was obviously not impressed. the rest has been sealed. too complicatedly_precious for human contact...not here not now...i must find myself first. 020330 ... Casey My love for people that hate me and will never even want to be around me. 020331 ... ferret seemingly all people named bob, whether chosen by the parents or themselves http://www.livejournal.com/users/bobthefeti/ read from the bottom up 030708 ... unhinged sometimes i still find myself wishing i could just sit with him and have those wordless_conversations we used to have 090908 what's it to you? who go blather from