boring_budget_confessional
amy nada i bought some books today that didn't fit into the boring_budget. oh, well, they can come from the iPad fund, since I'm losing interest in that. feeling like i should finally get Solar Fire software... but am sure this will be frowned upon because after all, there's a car to be bought eventually. i really wanted to go to Bali, not for Bali itself because that's just frivolous, but for the workshop there, but there's this damn car on the horizon.

i do believe in saving, there's just too much to save for. i feel as if there are no assurances that will keep my professional goals steady and reliable on the way to manifestation, so why not be a compulsive shopper. i guess it's just bad faith. sorry. hey, one of the books has been on my list for years and i had a 30% off coupon. staying in the present with the budget, i guess, and i guess there's something wrong with that. was playing the lottery just in case there was some luck coming my way - want to be open to that, right??? - but then i really grasped the odds and what kind of good luck i'd really have to have and see it's not bloody likely, looks like i'm supposed to actually earn my resources. but will still keep the window open for a little while.

started going downtown a bit and have resolved to keep doing it as long as it fits into the budget.... the ever so boring budget... and i'm sure the angels have gotten my loud and clear message that i'd go back to school and get a degree and career that suits me -- if only i had the budget! the only ledger that was remotely interesting was of course that heath ledger, which is a depressing name, if you overthink it.

i have been awfully good about not buying music, though. except this winter i did buy a few things. they were worth it. i think books are usually not as worth it, but i want them more, for probably good reasons that i don't quite understand.... and so you see that's the story of my life it's all about the budget. horrible sounding word - "budget". glad i'm not involved with business.

i guess the books that i bought today are just represent a wish for a social milieu via psychological understanding. if i were less picky, i guess i'd stick with the iPad, which is likely to be a social (+) in the near future. it will at least feel to me like i'm "trying" and not giving up, socially. eh--- it's better to stay with my true interests, right? i don't know, i'm torn, i do sort of feel like taking a gamble to gain the stuff i don't have, but my heart won't be in it, so i'll just lose that part of the budget. boo on the boring_budget. it is definitely no_fun and not opening any doors in the near future.

this went from being a confession to my just deciding what my own deal was.
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