swan_song ferna And I don't feel like I'm going to die. In fact, I think it's kind of funny that he needs to flush every condom we used down the toilet, wrappers too. As though that would erase the fact that his cum was still drying on my stomach, and that my hands smelled of latex. When he pulled out he couldn't leave fast enough, as though something was chasing him. Maybe a guilt I'll never quite feel. Because when I think about all the wretched things I have done and could do in my life, I could never pull away from someone lying there, say "this was a mistake," and sharpen my gaze, and hunt for the glint of tinfoil. It's not that I would never leave someone. No, It's more like I would never ever flee. 070307 ... ani swandive cradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hand feels like a little baby bird fallen from the nest i think that your body is something i understand i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed i've got a lack of inhibition i've got a loss of perspective i've had a little bit to drink and it's making me think that i can jump ship and swim that the ocean will hold me that there's got to be more than this boat i'm in 'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail all the chance that i need is one-in-a-million and they can call me brilliant if i succeed gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound i'm just going to get my feet wet until i drown and i teeter between tired and really, really tired im wiped and im wired but i guess its just as well because i built my own empire out of car tires and chicken wire and i'm queen of my own compost heap and i'm getting used to the smell and i've got a lack of information but i got a little revelation and i'm climbing up on the railing trying not to look down i'm going to do my best swan dive into shark-infested waters i'm gonna pull out my tampon and start splashing around 'cuz i don't care if they eat me alive i've got better things to do than survive i've got a memory of your warm skin in my hand and i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land i'm cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand the ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving and i think this is something i understand i just need a couple vaccinations for my far-away vacation i'm going to go ahead and go boldly because a little bird told me that jumping is easy, that falling is fun up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering and stunned and they can call me crazy if i fail all the chance that i need is one-in-a-million and they can call me brilliant if i succeed gravity is nothing to me moving at the speed of sound i'm just gonna get my feet wet until i drown... 070308 what's it to you? who go blather from