for_your_own_good Syrope even as she was speaking, i was telling myself "ok, remember, she's telling you that the one thing she'd tell you to change is miniscule compared to all the awesome stuff you've done. she must know that all you'll hear is the negative, so she's making sure to stress that you've done such an excellent job on everything, but that if one thing had to be improved, this would be it" and it didn't help. so i'm in the middle of a panic attack and i have to be on a call in 5 minutes. i have so much to finish this afternoon. i can't do this right now. she said she knew it was hard, and why it was hard, but i am still taking it so far out of perspective. the 20 minutes of praise were dwarfed by the one sentence. this is so fucked up. 071212 ... Lemon_Soda Not at all. Critiscism is especially difficult to deal with for alot of people. Low self esteem or sub-concious potency issues often raise adrenaline and other chemicals to "fight or flight". When we feel vulnerable and then percieve an attack, a manic reaction is natural. However, fleeing a meeting or taking an aggressive offensive is not conducive to our professional appearance and can be very damaging to our credibility. Your on the right track with your thought patterns. Do your best to remain disciplined until a healthy expression of what your feeling can be excercised. Speaking of such, a quick batch of pushups or jumping jacks(just enought o raise your heart rrate) will work you through the chemicals quicker. keep it up, you really are doing a great job!! 071212 ... Syrope thanks. really. the scientific reasons behind things make them so much easier to handle. i paced the hallway until i had to join the conference bridge, but it turns out the call i was supposed to be on fell through, so me and this guy from somewhere out in the midwest talked about snow machines instead. for like 15 minutes. it helped take my mind off of it. i'm going to be obsessed with fixing myself, with branching out and creating a presence in a huge corporate network. i know i am. but i think i'll be ok. 071212 ... Lemon_Soda Its a lifestyle that isn't easy to slip into because we have to train the way we dress, act, and think to conform to proffessional expectations. Its alot of stress for free or independant spirits, as most skites tend to be. I try to have fun with it because if I didn't I would stab myself repeatedly until I passed out and could escape to the hospital for awhile. Really its so i have enough bank in 10 years to quit and grow my hair out again. Plus, I'm going to redye it blue. 071213 what's it to you? who go blather from